Monday, December 18, 2006

Hellllllllllp (the way the sloth says it in Ice Age)

Im a weirdo *gracious bows* I accept my title with great humility and with no sign of conceit in the vicinity.. Yes I can be humble (your sputum amzi is not far n few between anymore so u can stuff it babe - rrrrreeelly) and down to earth - traits I detest in normal human beings.. Why do I detest them - well I think confidence becomes a human.. Theres no room for insecurity there and that leads to lack of dependence on another being.. (Im resolving this in my head as Im spewing this garbage so pardon my sense of logic temporarily) Ive always been attracted to the silent unconventional sorts and I attribute this to the arrogance that stems from confidence lurking for the past so long.. I mean how else do you explain my attractive list of would-have-been's.. The only common factor in all of them is the erratic silence.. Maybe that's why I always seem to vent? Hmmm.. Yeah I over-compensate for the doomed quiet.. But then see what I go and do - I go and marry timzi.. Conventionally carved by the master sculpture a la Hrithik (a beautiful man), a social butterfly who mingles well with both his ilk and mine, a regurgitative nut who enthralls me with stupid jokes and takes the credit for my ideas ALWAYS!! A child-like demon who feels horrid when he sees sillytush's toys and isnt allowed to play with the 'monstah truck' :-)

Why so much speculation - well I spent 2 months away from my worse-half and I met him for about a week tops.. It suddenly dawned on me that I spend more time without him than with him.. We have a strange marriage.. And believe me its not a marriage of convenience!! He got me to India :-( The hell's convenient about living there only the Lord knows.. No I won't start on my woes of Bombay.. I'll have to go back from Emirates and the deal with the ridiculous garbage all over again at the beginning of the year.. Why meeeeee :-(

But seriously I hate "immitation is the best form of flattery".. I go out of my way to not imitate.. I go out of my way to be a recluse and create of my own no matter if it turns out to be utter garbage.. I hate using endearments others use, I hate using their 'takiya kalaams' or dialogues.. I hate buying from the same designer.. Hell I hate buying any clothing or jewelry from any designer.. I hate sashi lookin like one of the many and I hate to be a part of the mould.. But what I hate the most is being copied.. Its not flattery its stupidity.. I dont like stolen ideas and I hate mine being used and displayed to me as if it was their brainchild.. I hate stamping something with my imprint lest it takes away from the beauty but what I hate more is somebody else stampeding on it.. I hate a false cry of haughty stupor just because creativity is to a minimum.. I hate uninnovative ideas and words and I hate people with minds that do not grow.. I hate conversations that aren't entertaining and I hate confined insecure minds that delve into garbage to retaliate and compensate for their weakness..

I hate being possessive and worse - I hate being driven to be possessive.. Its an un-innate part of my nature and I loathe it.. Worse than I loathe humble and down to earth..

Yes - I have issues.. Im breathing in and out and counting sheep but right now I need to excrete a truckload with a Filmfare in hand so while bidding adios Id like to ask you what plans for the new yrs eve junta? Same ole drinkin dancin n be merry? Howd that be different.. Lets change the venue.. Lets go to the Ajanta Ellora caves!!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Cafe with moi - Declaration of Love

Coffee.. You can have it anytime, everytime, all the time or some of the time.. Just like the word "shit" it fits in anyhow anywhere..

Dude - I LOVE coffee!!

When I was working Id have about 10 cups of coffee a day and it was a sure fire way to reduce me to a la Kate Moss (I wish :-( the 'teaboy' used to make it too sugary n milky that sometimes I wondered if I was having a coffee dessert or actual coffee the beverage)

Well anyway this post is one in parts of the things I love.. Look I haven't asked you to come here and read my gibberish.. You chose to do so - so don't even let the thought cross your mind that I am self-centered.. At least I choose not to talk about you or your life and common sense prevails enough that I maintain your privacy so STOP barraging me about my outbursts!

But coming back to coffee - the pure love of it is so excruciatingly a part of untainted ecstasy.. In the emirates - a small cup of cava with the dates whilst smellin an array of perfumes could be a rescue away from mundane even if just briefly.. Back home in the land of canucks - its a medium of leveling, a morning breaker, a mood soother, a heart wrencher all in one.. In India - filter coffee is back to the roots.. Reminds you of childhood in the village vacations and everything attested to it.. Sweet tender moments and violent steamy thoughts all caused by - coffee.. An amazing drug, an amazing after meal companion.. Tom Hanks rightly prescribed the true meaning of Starbucks coffee in You have mail.. But I'll let you see the movie to discover what he said..

That reminds me about Godfather!! My dearest friend still hasnt read it or watched it.. Can you believe that? A turning point in our generation.. A bible almost and that's gonna be my next love - read it, watch it, feel it if you already haven't.. And if you have - well go through it all over again.. We all always take back so much from a cult that now unites us as humans after having been exposed to it..

Thus I have finished an entry with no rant.. YEE HAW - a normal entry.. I must be on prozac finally ;-)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Venus VS stupid MARS!!

i believe in never-never land with tinker bell and peter pan.. i honest to god do believe that ya'know?

but i dont believe in women are from a different planet and the chicken noodle soup or whatever else self help crap thats out there.. i am me i am ok and despite virginia wolff bein crazy and havin written that i still hold that as my own borrowed funda..

i miss the small pleasures of life.. the simple things like a hug or a kiss.. holding hands or crossing a road together.. opening doors or being courteous.. i miss those.. when you know a person in forever and u live with them forever you end up being told - baby this is fun for those who are in brand new.. but i want brand new relatively more often than once a decade and im sorry..

what am i rambling on about you ask? well i shall answer my loveys -

i miss when its not all about the humpa humpa and more about the look and the twinkle in the eye.. i miss the efforts made to move mountains earlier when now a few potential hours you could spend together seem like too much effort cos hey ill catch up with them in 5 days anyway.. whats the difference.. i miss when half or more the action was in the kiss instead of meandering on about the entire length of the body.. i miss the hand in the hair and the simple head resting on the shoulder.. those are things that are more important to me than trying out kamasutra position number 32 or whatever.. i dont care that i dont know what the latest term for rear ended fascination is.. if that makes me 'dull' and uncool so be it.. but i want to hold hands while driving and i want to nuzzle in the shower together.. i want to sleep in the nook of his arm and i want him spooning against me and falling to sleep.. oh and i want an 'i love u' as often as i can get it in a day so yes that does add up to at least one a day..

yes siree thats what i want and if i dont get enough of that then ill smother and mollycoddle sillytush to get all the lovin n huggin i can get cos he is STILL a baby and i will ALWAYS be his mom and nobody in this room can tell me im goin overboard!!

p.s: timzi - baby i lied about writing on the waterfall sequence.. you can unblush and get back to normal programming now ;-)

p.p.s: for those of you who do read my vented frustrations - next one is gonna be on annihilating the insect species and turnin into vegetarians so if it aint ur cuppa tea - SCRAM!! but if it does sound palatable come back n check in a week cos me bein' travellin' for a wee now.. hey you - scoot over i need room to relaxin like milkha singh:-(

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Return to the *&%$^

ye kya hua
tere mere pyaar ki baatein
kyu duniya ki nazron mei aa gaiee
hayyyy...

this number keeps lulling through my head slowly driving me numb and insane till i have it on a repeat loop.. if you guys havent heard this please get it - its by partners in rhyme or dj aman.. b sings this so beautifully when he is concentrating working and its running in the background..

ima gonna see happy feet tomorrow!!!! they have some sortta baby expo so sillytush & i are both goin in free.. yeayyyyy.. anything on sale or free catches my attention.. and its one big thing timzi hates about me.. he says just cos its a sale price dunnit mean its free ya'know.. i get it i get it but the thrill of gettin s'thing at less than 50% of sticker price is such a turn on.. i love showin off my steals n deals to b.. he gets how i excited i am :-) i just make sure i tell amit - baby i liked it and i bought it and i dont bother telling him how it was such a deal cos he'd whoop my ass into shape :-( and muh mommy would support him cos she thinks i over-spend.. i do NOT!! (imma girl.. we need variety and things to keep lookin all prim n propah for the man ya'know)

we went for the parade over the weekend.. i love that about this city.. i love that they make it so kid friendly.. i love that they make things so special for the kids.. they had a parade with the mayor et all and all the different companies advertising with huge trucks movin on the downtown streets which was closed for 2 hrs.. i - the cleanliness freak - was sittin on the road sippin cocoa b made for me and sallikunti was sippin his.. b was holdin sanshu's pram.. and the firefighter came n spoke with silly and shook his hand.. gave him a gummi sour apple candy too.. sushy got a flag too which he called the canada flag and did the holding his hand to his heart - o canada - and waved it when the people tryin to promote us for the commonwealth games went by.. even now he takes his bigger gun and tries to twirl it like a baton cos he saw the cheerleaders do it.. b said that it looked like i had more fun takin a picture of the clown who ruffled sanshu's hair cos he was screamin so happily.. im gonna use that as a postcard when i cross the london airport to mail out to timzi.. i think its romantic and if u guys beg to differ you may continue to beg.. dunnit bother me much ya'know? ;-)

anyway - im depressed.. i dont wanna go back to the native 'motherland' :-( im gonna miss b and home and driving and tim horton's coffee!!! :-( please maintain a 1 minute period of silence to mourn the loss of clean air, good traffic signals and beautiful weather for me :-( thank you :-(

*disappearing in the smog of des*

Sunday, November 19, 2006

1 to 2 for the very last few..

OK - I have a lotta girlfriends who form my 'inner circle' who I need to have married off and settled for my own peace of mind.. I have a couple of male friends too but this is the thing.. I refuse to call it anythin cheesy and rosy-eyed like shaadi.com, instead I'd like to name it inhell.com - which is really the way it should be.. SO who out of yo'll wanna be cofounders of this beautifully surreal (NOT) organization that helps my unwed friends discover what true un-bliss is all about? Help me!!!! 'Cos all the good boys seem to be married off with a string of affairs on the side or they've just turned into bad boys :-( Its quite ironical really cos before Timzi I had only male friends with a sparse population of females filtering in by the iotas.. And now I have only the Jurassic Park obstacle.. All females!!!!

I have this close friend who is a sister of a guy I once dated.. He was one of the only men who actually did the whole bended knees routine with the perfect set up - ocean view inside of an old fort, a picnic basket, him strumming the guitar with food he cooked for the two of us cos it was my birthday.. Soft toys, a scarf and a perfume and him poppin the question.. The others were quite useless with not enough half decent proposals but Timzi's took the cake.. An order issued - Marry me!! Not even a question that I got to answer after almost a year of incommunicado.. But that's not the point Im driving at.. Im just wondering how is it easy to let bygones be bygones?

How do you forget the first adrenalin rush of a new relationship developing.. The first time you hold hands in winter time with your mitten almost getting lost in the trudgeon of sludge on the road as he escorts you for your first dinner out on Valentines? How do you forget the way he carried you cos you didn't have shoes on - instead only bunny slippers - across the road to the drugstore in the middle of a snowstorm just so that he could make up to you by feeding you icecream in the middle of the night.. How do you forget the handmade card he perfectly created for you of Calvin with a chart of rising scales of economy and everything pertaining to you - it looked so perfect you actually that it was store bought.. How do you forget him surprising you by suddenly landing up on your doorstep from the other side of the country, discovering the way to your home simply by etching out his heartbeats when he was there a few years ago.. How do you forget a different form of romance by him sending across a trashcan full of goodies - snacks and savories via courier from a city he moved to, to be closer to you.. How do you forget the bouquet of an array of Lindtt chocolates with a coffee mug for a huge cafe au lait to remind u of your first coffee date.. How do you forget the painting he made with his own hands of you holding winnie the pooh's hand, where pooh was customized with a cowboy hat to signify it was him and his love of country music.. How do you forget the single rose he waited to give you after you finished work at 9pm just because you were being an adamant ass about something that was unimportant anyway.. How do you forget his rebellious attitude when he plastered your pictures all across his room despite his parents disapproval.. How do you forget the kiss on the forehead when he was practicing his hoops or even him remembering each day to get you your quota of lemon and sour green apple jolly ranchers.. How do you forget him making mithai for you and couriering your birthday gift a little too late just because he wanted to get the recipe right.. How do you forget the drive that drove u mad inside sending you butterflies in your stomach of wondering - what have I done - when he flew you down the spiraling roads and Lion's gateway to heaven.. How do you forget the kayaking and the walk in the park and him aching to be near you and you teasing him along.. How do you forget the insane 2 hour fone calls to catch up on the mundane details of the day.. How do you forget the obsession oh him seeing you with your hair down that you even forgot how to wear scrunchies any longer.. How do you forget the sound a guitar makes when its strummed to dull the pain of your heart race because thats what you connect him with.. How do you forget the first bouquet of your favorite flowers in white and blue arrive on your doorstep anonymously.. How do you forget the perfect Christmas greeting made in flash customized entirely for you by a guy who stood no chance of a future with you and knew it.. How do you forget the concerned phone call when you are with aught else just to make sure you are in the best state you possibly can be cos its your choice.. How do you forget the sound of his voice at 3 am when you call him out of the blue from some Godforsaken airport across the world just because.. How do you forget - the hidden lovers, the eulogy of a relationship, the aftermath of what seemed like a lifetime of togetherness..

How do you become - insensitive..

Friday, November 17, 2006

c0c0L0c0 - CRAZY, just plain CRAZY!

Jann Arden Insensitive.. Ama-frikkin-zing.. 'nuff said..

On a more amusing note state of current affairs are as so -

I saw this guy in the frootique - d shiznit!! Lord have mercy but this Mediterranean boy looked like as if he was outta catalogue of - God has paid personal attention - smooth beautiful silky skin.. no sign of stubble.. small little tuft of hair below his bottom lip and curly sortta auburn hair.. broad shouldered.. 5 10ish with deep set greenish brown eyes that lit up when he was askin the dude to add in the different elements into his salad bowl.. Long fingers with perfectly filed nails and a beautifully chiseled nose..

I was standing in line right behind him with a friend and Saleesh.. I couldn't help but stare and I was constantly reminded not to.. And the nut of the dude on the counter started his flirting routine right there - asking me out for halloween and I pointed to Sallitot.. He said they needed a midget with a white sheet to play Casper the friendly Ghost and if I had any more excuses that he needed to defy.. I had to give him the - are you outta your bitter red cabbage mind you freak of nature - look..

And then Salil happened to have a sore throat so I took him to the friendly next door neighbor Doc.. And there was this college footballer - a true blue eyed blond hair jock - God!!! Ben Affleck kindda lookin ya'know? And Timzi looks like Benny dearest or the desi version Akshay Kumar.. Actually he looks better than both of them!! And considerin' he's all the way away in Europe and I haven't seen muh man in a month and some more I was melting on the spot.. I became a woman from a mother to a teenager with butterflies and weird giggles.. God just gifts these people and troubles me by making me wanna stare and be imprisoned for indecent exposure (by my eyes of those gorgeous folk.. what the hell were you thinkin you perv?!) or maybe even lewd behavior..

Timzi please make yourself available constantly.. Dont wanna stray on you with someone who looks just like you.. That'd be painful punishment for useless garbage :-(

You see back in the native homeland -India - I don't drive.. I have a driver cos of the insane way people drive.. NYC seems so much more sensible with its perpendicular streets and avenues and the mayhem at LHR airport seems like childs play in comparison.. So I catch up for the lack of it when Im home here in the land of Canucks.. And thus starts this story of subwoofing.. My little sweety baby sits behind and dances away to the music while I have my windows rolled down, shades on, sunroof open, and music blaring.. I have no idea where this little babboon picks up his moves but believe you me he teaches me a step or two.. And I simply swerve the steering with the one hand not botherin with the next door car and the dude who picks his nose or scratches his balls.. I look on straight with no expression as wisps and wasps of my hair fly by me and I dont even notice the woman in the car on the right doing her make up and lickin her scab on the arm off.. I "subwoof" at traffic lights and fail to pay attention to friends zippin by wavin their arms and legs out.. I drive without heed and without care.. I zip through lanes and flirt my way out of parking/speeding tickets.. Sometimes I drive when Saleesh is asleep behind just to watch the frosted icicles on the bare trees refract or even to zoom past by this road where the trees converge on from either sides in their beautiful yellowy red maple leaves.. I drive because some of my best memories are in the car..

One of my fave car songs is Massari - be easy.. As soon as he says Dom Perignon Sil does this little curvy move.. Anyway, B has a shitloada his music which he is bored of now and I was introduced to him by aught else who is the slavelord of all sortsa music.. I think sometimes its all the sights and sounds he introduces me to that I just crumble and fall as a slave to his charm and lure and spend all my energy.. You guys may know him as the Tommy Hilfiger boutique - the clothes are divine (thus the sights?) and the music they play there is so groovalicious you wouldn't need to visit a club to shake your bon-bon ;-) But this better be the end of this insane entry to diary dearest 'cos I think I'm goin totally off track..

Word out (Peace out u nutjobs..)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Drabness Extremioso

Sooooo... the long weekend is just over.. Doano when it began and when it ended but I had a fantastic time.. We went for a little excursion and didn't get as much of a chance to explore the city but we sure as hell had fun in the train!! Yeap Sanshu (the baby?!) wanted to go on a choo choo train and there was no way he was taking the local trains in Bombay and I sure as hell cannot afford the Deccan Odyssey or Palace on Wheels or so says Amzi Timzi.. Soooo we went on the train here.. and Im tellin you folks it was very bloody fantastic.. A pain in the ass considering how long it takes but with the nice comfy seats with loadsa leg room and a lounge car for kiddie movies (Salli was watchin Over the Hedge and I was readin Amir Ali!) and a dining car where you can enjoy the natural beauty (without having to smell horse poop - Yeay!!) - Im tellin you - simply friggin amazin!!

So anyway I had a *lot* of time and I mean loadsa time so I was charting out the basic tenets I go by in my life.. You see Im a pretty easy going person (dont ask the friends and relatives - they are temporarily deranged) so no codes of conduct I go by except I hate lying.. Honest to God I do.. Its just that the people in my life compel me to do so like for instance these would be the obvious lies despite which these very same people ask me the very same questions and force me I mean push me into lying man :-(

Pop: You have a cold, don't you? Do you want me to take the next flight out? I'll take care of you!! You have a cough!!!
Me: (Jeez Dad relax.. I aint dyin!!) Dad you're getting old relax.. You're hearing things.. I just got done yelling at Salikuntin..

Mom: You're out shopping for clothes again aren't you? Why do you wanna burn money on clothes.. Look at your overflowing wardrobes!!
Me: (At least I dont hold onto things that are 30 freakin years old!! Big brothers and sisters are on my speed dial) Moo when's the last time you saw me in something new? Im just getting stuff for Timzi's family..

Timzi: You were staring at the biker!! I saw you - you think he's all that and then some don't you?
Me: (I have eyes you know - cant become blind when the peripheral view is outta this world!!) You moron.. I was looking at your face turning into a curvy smile with that little crevice around your lower lip.. Its so adorable and cute *kiss kiss*

B: Did you call XYZ and get your work done?
Me: (We have been through this for years.. Get a clue mr. blue!!) Of course I did.. I returned their call but reached the voicemail so left a message..
The above btw is the biggest joke in our family :-(

A close friend: You have changed!! Earlier you wouldn't as much as contemplate about their lack of existence and now you're actually speaking to that mad woman despite everything?
Me: (I hate doing it in any case.. quit reminding me fool :( ) Nawhh I just had to do that for Timzi's sake ya'know? Comes under the protective clause of 'family friends'

Dee: Please please please say that this is acceptable.. I simply fell in love with it for Silly..
Me: (Dude you gotta be joking.. Just gave me a flash of my maternal ancestors in their jazzy out there apparel.. you gotta be kidding me!!) Of course it is.. It's just that Timzi might think its a bit over the top ya'know?

Anyway you all get the basic gist of it.. Coming to tastes and preferences I was recently enlightened by a close quarter and a not so close counterpart that my 'signature' style is "dull".. Me? Dull? Hello have you not known me at all? B says he has to change my style and gets me this aubergine satin shirt to try on - I mean really I don't need to be rescued from the North Pole that I need to stand out with this color ya'know? (It looked pretty on me but I just couldn't handle the color) I tried to reach a sense of middle ground and told him to get me blue, brown, gray, black or white but aubergine? Violet? Oh God NO!!!!

Anyway I guess I am dull.. My home is dull.. My clothes are dull but my son loves me just the way I am.. My husband thinks Im a hottie (he needs to be away from me more often - its working wonders ;-) ) and my Dad thinks Im the prettiest baby in the universe so everybody else can just BITE ME!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Mood for the day: mordantly parsing

I was chatterin and babblin away on long distance today with a friend of mine as if I owned the long distance carrier company.. I was nuts but strangely like the other alien nutzoids of the planet I was blitherin on about Saleesh's (thats my sons new nickname) first episode of trick a treating.. Now mind you I wanted to dress him up in a pink tutu, with butterfly wings, a magic wand (he would be a 'fairy' in this outfit dont you think?), a tiara and of course pink ballet flats but the chauvinism around me doesnt end :-( Timzi was beggin please don't scar our son and B just put his foot down.. Goddammit its a heavy foot OK? I don't have the guts to defy him.. Not yet anyway.. Have to develop resilience.. Cmon baby you can do it (Self-motivation reminds me that I need to become Deepak Chopra.. Shit man who pays for that kindda stuff? If you can make money doin' that Id be more infamous than Paris Hilton and own more money than Uncle Gates!!)

Anyyyyyway...

So sonshu (keep up this is *now* the new nick for my son!) had naptime comin up and was frustrated with the headgear of the Dino costume (he ended up wearin a hybrid of a blue dino costume with pink butterfly wings replete with the wand and tiara) and he wanted it off but when he saw his fellow accomplice with the princess meets wizard pink hat he calmed his dino tail down.. He said the appropriate thank you's between tryin to get his bag to open right and stowing away his wand whilst knockin on the door and scamperin behind my tush when he heard a dog bark.. And he also smiled effectively when he was called a dino or a dragon but worse dragonfly all the same.. Dude gimme the candy and get back to your programmin.. I got other houses to hit already.. Im 2 and I can't walk around this humangous block with your freakin palatial homes only so much ya'know? Nawh he's too pious and innocent to think that but hey, mebbe not cos one lady took so long that he had one look at the candy bowl which she had for viewing when she opened the door that he said "Aunty police hai" and scrammed when he heard the siren!!! I was stuck doin' the explainin that he had the fear of God with sirens (The "Police" and the "roach" are the only two things that I can use to emotionally blackmail to have him do what I want) I had to resign to the fact that the world at large will shortly start wonderin if we was criminals considerin this mornin when he saw an army dude in his commando (NOT COMMMANDO COMMANDO you perv!!!) uniform he again ran back towards the car away from the magic land of the grocery store screamin police hai police hai!!! Jeesh!!! Speakin of the cops - I wanted to voice out s'thin on a serious note today..

Albeit late I watched Lord of War today finally.. I have to be honest I missed the first bit which Im gonna make up for tomorrow but at the same time the length that I saw left me helpless wanting to do or feel something but not knowing what.. Like for some reason the cable channels like Sony and Zee constantly play the movie Nayak.. Its been 3 years but they still do it almost once every month but does it affect us in any manner to do anything? Its a good movie - and we walk out feeling nothing but letting the cold immunity we have surrounded ourselves with take over.. I used to be moved when I saw a hurt child, a handicapped old person on the street lights.. Today I turn my face when an older kid spanks the baby for it to cry so she can earn enough money whilst begging.. I turn my face when a boy of not more than 4 scrapes his foot on the sewer and is wailing cos God forbid I reach 2 mins late to pick up my own baby from playschool.. I turn my face when I feel horrid and I wonder how many of you still have it in you to at least be humane enough to feel horrid.. I know Timzi doesnt.. He has been exposed to this all his life.. It may as well be a bumped coke can on the road for all he cares.. He hardly even notices and this is the man who can shed tears because he misses me..

Lord of War.. I asked B what he felt and didn't it make him feel like punching something, someone? Didn't it make him feel contemplative? Something anything? I was fishing for a reaction and I got it - Im a helpless lone ranger.. What can I feel or do?

Yes the same Lord of War had a blaring punchline.. A punchline thats turned me on after years.. The 5 nations who rule the roost of selling arms are the 5 nations who have permanent places in the UN peace council..

Watch Lord of War if you haven't already but please - feel something.. It could be anything -

positive (Vitaly Orlov: [in Russian] Oh God! Yuri Orlov: [voice-over] Always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstasy. )

negative (Yuri Orlov: They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails.")

sarcastic (Angel: My name is Angel. Vitaly Orlov: Her name really is Angel! Let's put her on the Christmas tree!)

hilarious (Andre Baptiste Sr.: They say that I am the lord of war, but perhaps it is you. Yuri Orlov: I believe it's "warlord." Andre Baptiste Sr.: Thank you, but I prefer it my way.)

self help (Yuri Orlov: Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.)

heart wrenching (Ava Fontaine: I feel like all I've done my whole life is be pretty. I mean, all I've done is be born! I'm a failed actress, a failed artist... I'm not much good as a mother. Come to think of it, I'm not even that pretty anymore. I have failed at everything, Yuri... but I won't fail as a human being.)

keep it safe (Yuri Orlov: In the most AIDS-infested region of the globe - where 1 in 4 is infected - Andy's idea of a joke was to put a young Iman and a young Naomi in my bed - and no condom within a hundred miles. )

thought provoking (Jack Valentine: Do you know why I do what I do? I mean, there are more prestigeous assignments. Keeping track of nuclear arsenels - you'd thing that more critical to world security. But it's not. No, nine out of ten war victims today are killed with assault rifles and small arms - like yours. Those nuclear weapons sit in their silos. Your AK-47, that's the real weapon of mass destruction.)

infallible fatal truth (Yuri Orlov: The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil. )

but whatever it is just feel..

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Declaration of WAR

Let history remain as a witness to the end of tyranny by *you* - Yes I no longer wish to submit to your will.. Its the end of your world as we know it so darling brace yourself!!

I forbid you to force me to go into my silent flighty mode - you need to be cordial with me at all times no matter how selfish this may seem. I return the favor (well most times anyway)..

I am non-confrontational but this does not mean you let millenia pass between us with unresolved issues festering at the brim.. I can don the hat of a snake with poison flowing with my tide.. Keep it ebbing at the bay is a job function in your job description..

I would love to kick your ass at least a 100 times a day considering how you enrage me.. Please make the desired goods available for the purpose of kicking as and when I desire..

I hate being misunderstood and you make it your job to do so continually!! I love you - that will not change.. It is etched in stone and that just goes to say I love everything about you (well lets not push luck and test the waters at this point).. So stop portraying things I say in a negative light..

I am the biggest proponent of 'quality time'.. If I find it being raided upon by others make sure you know you have to equip yourself to deal with a woman in full fury mode because I shall consider that I have been scorned!

I hate my privacy being encroached on.. By you or by reasons attested to you.. If I feel parts of me get to be in public domain without my assent or knowledge I will make sure you remain in a perpetual state of screwdom for the rest of my lifetime..

I don't like being told what to do.. I am a full fledged adult.. Just because I have cut my claws and tamed myself down don't fool yourself into thinking I have become docile.. I hate the ultra glorious delicate Eve.. I am a strong independent woman.. Treat me with the due respect before I concrete your upper orifice shut..

I hold the right to increase this list as my will may deem.. This is not the end of this battle.. I can and will badger you in the future.. Accept it graciously and let me win.. I still believe in chivalry?!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

YES YES YES!!

shut up u nutjob!! that wasnt an orgasm of any order.. perverted soul!! you actually think Id indulge in *such* histrionics that too on my uncorrupted and beautifully virgin pure blog? Oh who the hell am I kidding?! YES IM IN LOVE AGAIN!!!

Im home..

and my family physician had to remind me its just been 4 months since I visited her last :-( Well I missed her too.. She used to write All Bran on her prescription note cos I was too constipated and she wanted me to fix my dietary habits.. Its another thing the cereal is 'speaking' volumes these days in my bowel activities but thats another story for another time ;-)

I went through London customs and anyone who has traveled through that WEIRD AS HELL city in the current times would understand my agony.. my liquid obsessed kid requires no sugar no preservative containin liquids cos moi disapproves of them.. so I gotsta carry em with me.. hey Im doin a good thing here and savin ze hub's money at the dentists!! protectin the bairn's teeth n all but oh lord have mercy.. I gotta taste that damn cucumber spinach fruit juice cos God forbid s'thin lurks deep within the green nasty shiets I make him consume!! and thats not even the worst of it.. they have one.. I mean uno, ek, wahed - SINGULAR - customs officer to check all the 'suspicious' baggage.. I mean hello? ur just abt the busiest airport in the world.. do you really think that one louch per xray machine is gonna suffice.. like what the hell do you charge me airport tax for (and their airport taxes seem like Im being anally had for and believe me I aint into *that* side of the nekkid games!!) so immigration takes an hour and going through scanning cabin garbage goes through another hour.. try doing that with a hyper active 2 yr old who has been sittin in 'papa plane' for almost a week every alternate day.. not pleasant eh? and you thought I was a whiny naggin house wife!!! I HAVE GOOD REASON TO BE A COMPLAINT WORT!!

any way I was saying Im home.. but in this whole while I was away things have changed so drastically.. Its a new condo by the waterfront with fantastic view but that also means its this humangous complex with a million doors.. Almost seems like a game to go to the gym or the waterfront for a walk.. The parking is mayhem and all the roads that led to home now lead to Rome.. Dudes - I dont stay here remember? Hello? Keep up already!!! New methods, new things - fantastic keeps life worth living but I need normal and mundane for a change :-( Yes - ME - who needs newness every second I breathe.. I need boring for a change.. please:-(

But thats another story for another day - right now Im just pissed off.. B - GET OFF MY BLOG AND QUIT PICKIN ON ME!! Rag on somebody ur own size.. dufus!! wasnt it enough being traumatised when I was young :-( look at that rapscallion sayed and what he left behind.. I DONT EVEN KNOW THE ANONYMOUS MORON!!! and btw mr zulfi (sayed) whoever you are.. turn around and kick ur own ass.. Im in my lazy mode today so BUGGER OFF.. (my blog really aint bs is it? :-( i need comfort here.. the writer in me is slowly fading away in to- nothingness.. gone.. dissipatated.. finito.. khallas :-( )

bye bye world :-(

Monday, October 09, 2006

So I am en route back home to take a flight the very next day and what do I see? Airport and aircraft full of magazine cut-outs!! Perfectly manicured nails, pre-arranged fantastic combination of outfits and the latest Louis Vitton bag with of course the "devil"ish prada shoes.. "Fait accompli" that it would be one of my fantastic days when the girls couldn't pretty me up due to emergency and sans make-up I looked pretty rather plain jane.. The IFS (In Flight Supervisor) glanced at me about a million times - a Captain's wife? you don't even have the last name.. Goddammit you old fat rotundous moron look at my son's boarding pass.. WHAT DOES IT SAY YOU BLIND BAT!!!

Tomorrow he may see me again and he's gonna be blown away.. I'm gonna have my aldo shoes (whats prada?) express jeans (whats diesel?) tommy tee (whats christian dior?) and matt n nicole bag (whats aigner?) and Im gonna have perfectly manicured (albeit short short) nails and make up (albeit smudged cossa my baby who gets antsy when he sees colors on my face) and attitude (although displaced trying to struggle with the pram/diaper bag/ purse/trolley bag AND the son!!) Was that just a feel-good thing or did I diss myself to the bone? I NEED MY CHAUFFEUR + BUTLER + SECRETARY whilst I travel.. Timzu where are you my love? :-(

Wish me luck cos my Indian-ness is gleaming to the core currently.. I have like a 110 kgs I can carry and Im still short about 10 kgs.. Go figure.. But in my own defence, its all cossa the big white elephant I call ze hubby.. I carrying ze Indian foods for him which transpire to lassis and mathris and chutneys galore.. Lord have mercy but its a 100 kgs!!! I just need some space for my trench coat :-( Whats with us and beggin for free luggage allowance anyway? Im gonna defy the rule and bypass the nicely put in comments by ze friends to allow ze excess baggage.. IM GONNA PAY FOR IT!!! I dont want no free lunches.. Oh who the hell am I kidding.. Id rather get a guerlain powdered kohl for the money I WONT pay for excess!!! To hell with the good samaritan shiets.. I give free lunches to at least a kid on the road each day and thats all the 'my bit' I am gonna do.. I aint no Preity Zinta or Pamela Anderson..

Im just Perfectly Santu!!!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

"Bollocks!!"

So I guess my cousin was right when he exclamated to the point of audio dysfunction (on my part of course) that India is inhabitable and his 2 yr old would fall desperately ill in a land of (perverse adjectives used here which you are at liberty to inject).

The Dad was doin his lil thing of shufflin himself between countries and metro's as usual recently and suddenly the 3 month old viral which seemed to be playin a cat n mouse game with him grew into s'thing that made his system collapse.. The dude thinks he is is Superman at a ripe old age of 65 and doesn't think it important enough to inform family.. Lo n behold he lands up at the most hated of all joints - HOSPITAL!!!!! The formaldehyde could give me a heart attack if not all the cheese that I manage to consume (Ze hub thinks I consume cheese enough for a small continent :-( ) So off gets tossed the well laid travel plans and get a zoom in ze arse and I ze one that seems to use air travel as local commute hop on to an aircraft and reach ze boss-man.. The minute I land I am greeted with ze secretary's secretary (I know I still chuckle at the sound of this job title ;-) ) and the man-friday with the driver.. They inform me of the dilapidated state and there I see my Great Wall of China in a state I don't recognize.. Surely, my eyes couldn't have started blurring at such an awkward moment in time.. But I wasn't wearing my spectacles maybe that was it..

I felt the face and the hands with my bare palms.. They didn't even turn pinkish slightly and the face was gaunt.. I hate realities especially hard-hitting ones.. I was informed - dengue combined with excessive fatigue from over-exertion.. I was told low platelet count.. I was briefed in a hush hush manner the temper swings, the lack of conversation and the 5 minutes of monologue was all the speak that was uttered as the day elapsed.. Not good not good.. Strange people, strange things, strange environment.. I wanted mom.. I wanted home.. I wanted to be the weaker one and have things fixed magically like the tooth fairy giving me money for a damned broken tooth..

Goddammit where are all the magical creatures when you need one? I think the world should be a Harry Potterish place where goblins exist side by side with one toothed witches and wizards.. And the genie with his magic carpet can zoom me off anywhere..

Yes I was slightly schizophrenic and now they've entered majorly delusional into my medical chart too.. Yeay what fun!! Dontcha think so?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

There is only one difference between a madman and me.

The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad. - Dali

I went for Salvador Dali's exhibition about some 2 1/2 yrs ago in London.. Thats when I was first introduced silently to this genius.. This tunnel built like as if I was about to enter a planetarium - stars glowing from a dark tunnel with dali'isms posted in every nook and cranny.. Cold humor, nihilistic self-pride, I fell in love at first read.. As I entered I let his world take over my sense of thought - his sartorial sardonicism, his callousness almost reminded me of Jack Astor, and suddenly he'd bring in after all the wit and glee a glimpse of his ardent love and passion.. A whirlwind of romance and I could imagine his ladylove's patience running in and drying out but always being enticed by this man whose heart was laid bare in his work of many forms (sculpture, furniture, brushwork etc) and various glimpses..

I was exposed to Svengali earlier but I met him in person only recently.. Oh, how he reels me in and keeps me coming back for more despite knowing he is worse than Rip Van Winkle with a flute.. An educated pompous egoistic woman like me falling for his hypnotic wiles and for no substantial gain in return? My father would accuse me of learning nothing having grown up around businessmen throughout.. My mother would say I was an insult to her race.. My brother would just slap me silly and say - "the apparent text discoursed above is that it furthers someone to use their innate senses to SHOOT THEIR BRAINS OUT!"

I am aghast at my stupidity (shut up only I reserve the right to commend on the status of the functionings of my brain power!!) I pack in 2 round soft bulbous fresh kesari mawedar gulab jamuns into the micro and chug one down instantly.. What comes out is a gasp with the maa, behen gaalis galore (I had silly's ears plugged don't worry junta) and I find blisters in my chest and lungs (I felt like a chain smoker!!!!) I woke up the next morning with a stone in my throat and a lover of food like me has been starving 2 days since.. DAMNED GULAB JAMUNS!!! Went to check with the doctor about the discomfort and the baldy prescribes antacids, anesthetics (that tastes like milk of magnesia yuck!!!), anti histamines and some mucous generating pills.. YEAY MORE MEDS!!!! life doesnt get any more swell :-/ I should've married someone who owned a drug company.. I'd be responsible for half their revenue or at least my Doc would ensure they'd never not make a profit (double negative!! my prof would've kicked my ass in uni for this BUT I have a degree now and who the hell needs her opinion anyway - frustrated lipstick lesbian!!).. And just for the record, the Doc's name also starts with an 'S' if you've been keeping a track..

Lastly my son announces to me (What? You don't remember his name? Are you joking? Its just about mentioned in every post you dafod!! It starts with an 'S' too!! dough?!) kindly that too - "Prince of Egypt" is *rotten*.. Rotten coming from a 2 yr old is horrifying!! And that too about a Disney cartoon!!! I had to beg to watch toons as a child especially non tv, rented ones and this one makes sure I know its not of his taste.. He picks out his Bart Simpson boxers as 'pants' and decides thats what he has to wear to school today else he won't move an inch.. He points out to the 'Bournvita' and says thats the only way he will gulp down the milk and susu is something you can't do in the bathroom and can be done only like a dog in some corner of the house.. He hates his regular jockeys and likes the "big boy" ones with the entrapment to yank out his substance.. And he's 2 folks!! Am I raising a brat or a superstar? Only time shall tell and please note I said *time* shall tell so you may shove your opinions back to your spouses who are sick of it anyway cos I honestly don't have the damned bloody time to procure to your ways of raising my kid right!!!! Im scared of Social Services and I dont need any more monsters lurking in the vicinity or ballpark of my conscience!!

Thank you and Good night youall's..

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Here I am - this is me

Uh huh.. the title of this post is borrowed - courtesy Spirit the stallion and Bryan Adams..

They say the best things in life come free and I am beginnin to believe there is an element of truth in that statement.. The day of my reception to my beau my brother gives me a cartloada gifts (if you knew him you'd know he spoils me rotten) and in that treasure trove was this cd marked with humorous inane phrases - "no name brand".. On playing the cd once the entire brouhaha was over, I learnt that he had recorded a single music file.. Here I am - Bryan Adams.. How apt.. How significant and how simple.. How sweet.. Yes all those adjectives come to mind but more so the cliche of finally having arrived and achieved was felt..

The entire time the preparations and events were taking place, I didn't have time to digest that after an odd dozen years my man and me were finally together.. I was revelling in the attention showered (his family of over a 100 staring at every move!!! and my brother holding me tight and close to keep me from shivering with the attention and clouds of smokes being blown up by the DJ) I was enjoying, dancing, beaming, falling in love all over again over Shania Twain and Celine Dion singing their ballads - never once letting my eyes falter from his gaze.. Yes it was a fairy tale wedding.. My father, brother, father in law and husband.. All responsible for making it the most momentous of my life..

I was just thinking about that today when my own lil bairn was watching the animation - Spirit.. The song came alive all over again.. And I was here sitting and trying to complete my things to do list when it came on.. I was distracted but not rudely from which employee deserves to be treated kindly (its the end of the month you dafods!! paytime ;-) ) and which tailor has what of who in the family.. Not to mention what I have to pack yet for my upcoming journey.. yes there's a reason I use the word journey not trip.. Its gonna be a long sojourn - a homage to the homeland and one's pride..

My oft-repeated tales of my love affair is to insinuate happiness exists in many deprecated ways despite the best thoughts.. In all my whiny sessions there exists a hint of nay not rosy paths but roads well traversed and made smooth by periodic stints of walking on and over.. Yes I dream of another life, another time and I compare the grass being green yonder because its innate to compare the quality of fodder available (ghar ka murga dal barabar :P) but in the end marriage does not define me.. My being a woman - a woman always in love with love - defines me..

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sleeping Partners

We have built our home with our bare hands (OK exaggeration here but not that much really) I did the designing and he did the execution and practical aspects to the 'T'.. So you see everything is custom made.. Like our bed- its bigger than king size to accommodate my 6 ft by 4 ft husband.. I have the hardest time finding sheets that fit :-( I have started gettin even bedsheets tailored to size *sigh*

So now with our main man (the baby) sleeping with his head towards me and feet kickin his father's underbelly and our side hero flaying his legs in the most obtuse angle one could have without reaching a 180 degrees you'd wonder whats left for poor ole little me? A half inch here and a half inch there in which I have to do a gymnast act of fitting my curvaceous body.. Only to find a half hour later our main man decides to have a change of heart and scrounges to find my bare belly to reconfirm and assure its me, only to push me out of the tiny pillow space so he could squeeze as much of my smell into himself to be cozy.. Really what a compliment - but I NEED SLEEP.. good ole comfy sleep where I can relax with my body in a slightly more comfy position :-(

Whilst trying to seek slumber I find little man squeezing himself in his father's armhole for body warmth and the father kissing his hair and forehead instinctively like a bear to cajole him back in the hands of deep rooted slumber.. My babies bonding even in their sleep.. Should be a pleasurable sight but I am jealous.. Mummy's new man should be snuggling with mommy.. I do a little tug and snatch and pull and get him back into my arms where he belongs and again I have caught myself doing the space management thing.. Eventually sleep arrives and I find that we've all moved and Big bear has me nestled in his arms.. Can you imagine there was a time when he whined about not being comfortable sleeping with his front to my back.. And now he has voluntarily lifted me unto his shoulders and chest.. I realize what it is Salil looks for when he submerges into him.. But suddenly just as it came it has vanished!! He woke up like the spoil sport he is because God forbid he sleep in.. The newspapers flung at the door and what in the world could be more important than the news.. The TV blares with the news and business channels being switched and Im left with a painful back and a baby that is just like his father.. He is up and wants his milk (like the father wants tea) and he wants cartoons!!!!

Between news and cartoons I am rendered a mess :-( I either know of quotable quotes from Bob the builder or Barkha Dutt.. God save me from the men in my life..

To imagine I got rid of my brown 4 ft chocolate colored teddy bear with a chocolate colored bow because I had a live human to hug.. For this.. THIS!!!

I need to get back to my old sleeping partner!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Cold Humor

I have absolutely the most fantastic luck in the world ya'know? (Yes this is gonna be another bitch n whine session, get your hot cuppa java or a glass of vino whatever the hell your vice is)..

My Dad was in town recently but didn't pay me a visit (which isn't as important as he didn't get to meet his grandson as much) cos he didn't wanna transfer his viral to us.. But Mr God had better plans in mind.. My cook landed up with a fantastic bout of viral germs which he managed to infect my freshly disinfected house with.. A sneeze on this counter, a cough on that platform, a wipe of his hand on a certain pan, a rubbing of his nose on the dishcloth and voila - Sallitoty and I are down.. With that the sudden change in the decision of the monsoon spraying us with more rain and the driver's down with the viral.. My car that gets sprayed with insecticide every evening is now being sprayed with Lysol (I love you whoever created anti bacterial Lysol!!).. But the driver's been off since like what seems forever (curbing my spirit by grounding me home for being withered).. My maid who comes to sweep the floors got the infection too and how.. Her back's gone for a toss and her work requires her to be immersed in water at all times.. So her's is a severe case which means she hasn't turned up in what seems like forever (look at the state of my nails!! they're almost extinct!!).. And the cook has returned to normal only to now be infected back with the case because between me and the 2yr old we are coughing sneezing using napkins like the river flows through our nose and noises like loud bumps when u drive aka the sound of our cough..

So this week when my Dad came avisiting this time I didn't have him come home lest I infect him with the virus this time.. Irony to it's hilt wouldn't you say? But oh no no no.. Doesn't end there.. He got it anyway because his local secretary, driver and personal butler were down with the viral which got transferred into his local confines anyway just before he boarded the flight for departure..

That's what we call a comic state of affairs my lovelies..

Monday, September 18, 2006

"That's a true story. ...That's my family Kay, it's not me. "

For me, blogging = venting + exercise of my skill but mainly venting.. This one is gonna be an introspective one of sorts so read on at your own risk..

'Godfather' changed the perspective on the way people think and function.. Half the dialogues are still floating in every sit com or movie.. It's s'thing that forms the innate culture of this century.. What am I driving at you ask? "Michael: Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't ever take sides with anyone against the Family again. Ever. "

What's that mean? You stick it out.. It's family.. I have grown up with this ideology when Godfather was another phoren movie and I learnt that my brother can fight my battles and my Dad can screw the happiness of someone who hurts me.. Yes you stick it out with family against the world.. So am I wrong when I expect the same of people? Is it such an irrational thought? And to think it isn't even my own battle to begin with!! Whatever happened to the days of good old self-pride? I don't mean vain arrogance but self-pride?

As was very simply stated - "Michael: It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business. "

And this was my business of the day which will leave me in a state of unrest always expecting loyalty - yes loyalty unquestioned that too above all else, over any other alliance.. Thats not a long bill to demand dya think? Anyway who has the time for indulging in semantics when I'd rather have a precarious particular someone who causes this rift 'sleep with the fishes' instead of getting away with misbehavior and misdemeanor because of the neo-saint she hooked up with eh? ;-)

Oh yeah when I mean loyalty I mean unequivocal loyalty towards ME.. not the baby, the original family, but me - the past, present, future!!!

Just so that you can think, keyword being think, Im a promoter of male chauvinism this post ends with my favorite quote - "Don Corleone: [shouts] You can act like a man! "

TOILET training *sigh*

You'd think that all mothers are women right? AAAA WRONG!! If they were dont you think they'd teach their boys some bathroom manners and etiquette? But oh no, heylll noooo.. God forbid men actually got things in THAT department right!!

Lemme explain my fellow roaches and ladies..

When you go to the loo etiquette demands you do a few things as listed below -

a) Dont crush the toothpaste tube from the center?! You slowly keep pushing it from the bottom to the top and fold it in.. Its neater and logical to use it less like a king of the jungle as opposed to a reformed urban creature

b) If the bathroom smells while you occupy or leave it then use the damned air freshner!!! There's a reason we are ready to die of global warmingas opposed to stench nauseating!!

c) Please for the love of God don't leave bits of shaving foam/cream in the sink to get crusty till the next person occupies it and goes eww with the stubs accumulata!! Ewwwww?

d) Boys Boys Boys - the easiest way to get a woman to leave is by leaving the toilet seat up!! And why in hell's name do you swonk it up when you are done excreting? In your genetic code to be jerks eh? And please remember when the woman leaves it means - no one opening doors for you when you forget keys, nobody giving you your food or checking the status of your clothes and the most important no SEX! Got your attention? good!!

e) There's a reason there are two towels in the bathroom and two loofahs.. Pink clearly is not my color but its to tell you back the $%^& off my towel!! I might exchange seminal fluids but that DOES NOT mean we use the same towel or loofah!! Or would you like me using ur toothbrush?

f) Please close the damned lids of the products you use.. Obviously you wouldn't know hither from thither so why are you hell bent on ruining my cherished goods? Do you hate me so?

g) SWITCH OFF the water heater once use is done.. SWITCH OFF the a/c once you have exited the room!! Electricity is not a free or subsidised commodity the last time I checked..

h) Stop taking my section of the newspaper to the toilet and ruinin my crisp paper I look forward to :-( I can't help but imagine booger droppings, and the other various colorful things that the paper mustve been through :-(

i) DRY yourself (OK this doesnt affect anyone but the jerks but still)!! What kind of neandrethal would partially dry himself cos that way he stays cool and airy? Really which madcap sells you these wacky theories?

And I am a mother who is a woman!! My 2 yr old has the toilet seat DOWN!! Loves the lavender (stop makin fun of him? he's 2 ya'know) air freshner and hates tubes and bottles left open.. Loves to see sparkling clean bathrooms else he refuses to go defecate.. Now thats what you guys should be like!!

Paleolithic Creatures!!

*harumph*

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Baz Luhrmann - May I join your cult?

i sang a song for you y'day

in my horrible croaky voice

breaking at all the junctures and notes

no, im not being modest but true

but i still sang for you

because i wanted you to know

what it meant to me

to have u hear me..

i played the guitar today

i remembered that chord, that note

my hand held entranced,

my nails digging into the fret board

i strummed mindlessly

i could hear the music echoing out of your home

sweet magic of the tabla and u singing along..

i will dance tomorrow

shouldn't we rejoice?

beginnings and endings all anew

it is the funeral of you plaguing me for the last time..

Friday, September 15, 2006

Changing subjects - maintaining predicates

So I watched The Lost City yesterday and today I undid the damage by watching In The Mix.. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO mama.. Usher is so divinely eatable in every known to womankind or mankind whatever your preference may be.. You see, ever since my baby was in ze tummy my mind was exposed to pretty stuff and I forbid myself to read/watch drama or things I knew would bring me down. He is 2+ now and only since a couple weeks ago I have come back to my calling - DRAMA!! I'd like to believe I'm calm and concise but also overtly dramatic when I need to rise to the occasion.. The drama that surrounds the numerous veils created by Mr Garcia in his body language and expressions left me wanting for more.. More of such an exuberant culture, more of the song n dance routine (Ill always be impacted by Bollywood :-( ), more of the silent unvoiced gestures..

And on the flip side you have Usher who just cuts the wind when he glides.. He reminded me of someone I knew so long ago.. The way he had his undervest on despite throwing his shirt off and parading bare chested through the intermittent spurts.. Yes the deranged woman in me was flabbergasted several times, exasperated even!! God has blessed this man with so many things divine.. A full luscious pout, firm abs, well-developed pectoral muscles, ummmmm - divine.... (OK this post is bending more towards the censor board now - ze subject is abruptly ended here)

Im fascinated with women who change their names after they get married without blinking.. Dual identities.. Man, I have been in love with this man all of my life.. I always wanted to be Mrs AJ but now that I am I cant think of letting go Ms SK.. Ive always been her.. Ive always identified with her.. Independence issues you think? I really doano.. 'Cos this man cages me not.. He hasn't yet asked me point blank why I haven't changed it.. I always get away with my cutesy ways he falls for.. Could I ever feel one with it? I don't know..

I went through your closet yesterday.. As is always it was disheveled.. Wanted to organise it again for you and I had a brief encounter with one of your sweaters.. Your scent still breathed in its weave somewhere.. I picked it up and cradled it like it was a baby in my arms - like you get when you watch an emotional scene and get misty - I love that about you ya'know? I kissed it on its neckline where I imagined it would hit your collar bone.. How nice this sweater fits you, I wish I could drape me around you always.. I hugged it like I'd hug your strong chest and your arms would just rest within the tangles of my hair and my back.. I was rushing in through so many more forgotten memories.. Remind me this time again - I like listening to pj's but I love our history.. You know which one's my favorite? The time outside palmgrove when it rained after the social.. My white gorgeous barrette lost in the muddy pools and you holding me close and the umbrella with the other hand.. I could get dizzy in the smell of you, your hair.. Your eyes shutterbugging the water away.. Both of us - half wet, half dry looking for a rickshaw.. I so kept hoping we wouldn't find one and you'd hold me this close even longer.. I was 16 then and you were my hero.. Today at 31 you are still my hero.. And I only tease you about the celebrity encounters I fantasize about baby.. I am as excited about your form today as I was 15 years ago.. You are a well-sculptured man.. I like how you look when you stand tall with your shoulders occupying half the room, I like the way your back curves in a concave only to end in a beautiful convex posterior.. How well-balanced each part of the curve is to form my initial - S all backward..

But on the flip side (there's ALWAYS a flip side) I HATE your haircut :-( If you want peace of mind then you better change your goddamned hairdresser.. He doesn't listen to me timzi (Your previous one wasn't mentally challenged and realized he'd have to make me happy to get you in there often but this one is a B*NGHOLE!!!! You still have that flick of Dev Anand.. Will that never change? :-( Doesn't Silly's haircut inspire you? :-( Just because of the hair, YOU LOOK LIKE A DWEEB!!!! (now if that isn't motivation to get it shorter I don't know what is:-( ) And besides all of your hairdressers miss me if I don't attend your haircut session by accident.. Im sure this one was celebrating when I left you alone for 5 minutes to fetch something from the car!!

In any case - I have finally made a decision (stop squealing Oh God in the background timz or Im really gonna murder you this time!!) I'm gonna try to be a TV host considering I like the sound of own voice and resonating thoughts and with my diva like attitude I'll fit right in.. Whatcha think darlings?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Meri kahani...

vo na aaye to sataatii hai Khalish sii dil ko,
vo jo aaye to Khalish aur javaa.N hotii hai
- Sahir Hoshiarpuri

I don't care about the movie Stop too much but a couple of the songs are my midnight bluesy faves ya know? I remember all my stories, my incidents reeling in front of me as images being flashed as if Im being questioned about a series of murders.. I feel like the victim, the culprit, the cause, the emotion all at once.. And I yearn for them to stop plaguing me.. My choices, my indecisiveness, my what ifs and if onlys and all I am left with is the torment of my soul.. Some day this too shall pass I tell upon to myself..

How do you let bygones be bygones? How do you control the power of memory? How do you justify and explain regret? How do you backtrack to place yourself in the correct timeline? How do you place him differently? How does it all pass? How do we develop to be so cynical? Despite my hard assed efforts of being a mean nasty swine I still cant be cynical.. I still cant get away with being cold and caustic.. I wish it lurked in my bones somewhere - I yearn to be what I am not.. I yearn to be what I had perceived of myself.. I yearn to be all of my negatives coexisting with my positives.. I yearn to flourish all the flora and fauna I was predicted to endow with my charm and grace.. But I have yet to accomplish those lofty ideas set place by others in front of me..

I trust freely.. But I begin to lose confidence in people when my trust and patience is taken for granted.. I have nothing to hide.. I write about my life openly as if my home were an open door policy.. I'm not about to apologise for being upfront but I expect half of what I dole out.. Its hurtful and bashful when so much is done to cover up so little.. How ridiculous it must make me seem to be a part of lives I touch so freely..

I'm not even gonna touch the subject of why the hell did I have to grow up.. Mum's had enough of that I think.. My whining and moaning has sent her oceans apart from me again.. Her escape from my constant drawing comparisons and parallels.. How I fret at the idea of having taken a philosophy course.. PHIL 101 and now everything is a paradox with premise and conclusions.. One big heated debate.. I would fit quite well amongst the Krane brothers.. Frasier would be a pain with his massive ego ergo I'd love to dominate poor old Nyles and be an accomplice at taking jabs on the respected Mr Krane..

I watch too much TV I think.. In every outburst I find I have to compare it to some external reference of some tele shiets.. Note to self: PICK UP A BOOK AND READ..

P.S: I don't have the guts to pick up Ayn Rand.. The last time I got lost into her soul and felt like a ghost living my life!! You haven't read her yet? You miserable sod!! Pick it up and get as depressing as me ;-)

Loooooopy - 1 per day of the week :-)

Dammit!!! I wanna be born in the centuries of Draupadi where it's ok to have more than one spouse :-( I'm stuck in an apparently more modern generation where monogamy is in!! BORING!!!!

Well no I ain't lacking all the adventure and fun in my own marriage that I need to start eyeing multiple spouses but you know the desire does lurk on once in a while especially after you listen to Abbey's Tarana Pyar Ka.. Now if you have ever seen this man in an interview you'd know.. He has this beautiful quirky face which has his nose contorting and constricting when he's kidding around but when he has his guitar (I have this thing for men and their acoustic guitars and magic happenin soon after *thuddddd*) and he sings off Careless Whispers doing a better rendition than George Michael unplugged you can't but help view the entire event as anything but orgasmic dude!! (Oh shut up you prudes - it's just describing a reaction not the actual process!!)

But coming back to this problem of a single spouse - if I could I'd first get everything known possible a la Rani Mukherji - have a nutritionist, trainer, dermatologist, fashion designer etc in my armory and of course have a few liposuctions and tummy tucks and phasao my beloved Bhaiyyu aka Bachchan Jr. He has to be paid the respect that's due to him thats why he'd reign on the numero uno position.. The flavas of the season would follow with the actual hubby making it to a close 2nd ;-) I have to add an element of reality into this dream to make it plausible boss! Ok #3 would HAVE to be Richard Branson simply because I'd have to over-compensate for these two men being so non-exhibitive and explosive when it comes to being in the public eye all the time. Also I guess the thrill to finally have this man's fancy tied down to one would be a challenge I'd love to endure.. #4 would be Guru Dutt.. It's Guru Dutt - enough said.. #5 would be Richie Rich only because I'm tired of his goody two shoes image.. I'd wanna corrupt his entire existence ;-) #6 would be Rahul Gandhi - for all the loopy stories that'd exist in his family and also because he does look ever so delicious and having a fist in politics wouldn't be such a bad idea ya'know ;-) #7 would be Rahul Dravid.. Why you ask? Well I'd like to end my trapeze act with someone who has such silent charisma with feet firmly planted on the ground..

Yeap that's it.. Transgressions of just single number 7.. I'm not greedy you see just love variety and spice :-)

Blasphemy!

Whoaaa... Easy on your words my lovelies..

I have been getting hate mail of turning too soft!!! Ermm really my darlings - me? soft? Just cos I talk of the world in love and harmony mode I'm thought of as turning soft :-( Right on then! Here comes me full of Bush uncle's armament and power.. Radio One have your armor ready!!

Its been almost a month and some more and Taranna is no where in sight!! No announcements on the part of Radio One except for a rude awakening suddenly having to decide calling the show the Jaggu & Sangram show.. Well "Hitman" Sangram I can assure you that I hate you from within and with OUT!! I want, oh forget the I, WE the people, want Taranna back.. I miss Jaggu and his fun filled banter and I am tired of listening to your overtly always enthusiatically happy voice dominating the sound waves :-(

Ermm sorry those of you who aren't in the loop - the popular morning show on the popular radio channel has changed one of its RJ's.. When Kelly replaced Kathy Lee in the "Live with Regis and Kathy Lee" she brought about good change.. She brought about spunk, new ideas, different flavor and a whole new lease of life to a show that was trudging along its viewership of the oldies.. I mean I was then a 20 s'thing vivacious bubbly human and even *I* got hooked onto it and its delicious guests..

But this Hitman (I hate you I so hate you) is too damned happy.. His incessant unending cheer of joy is bringing me down.. No I am NOT crazy but its like he is always on a damned high which can get very irritating.. Not to mention the loveamylife Jaggu doesn't get to add in his sarcy cold humor bits which I used to so look forward to each morning :-( My tea doesn't taste the same more, the gossip in the supplement newspaper has no allure, my morning ritual has virtually been screwed up because of this odd replacement :-( If it weren't for my 2 yr old Id have gathered a buncha folk and done dharna outside their studio but unfortoonately I am stuck with their retarded choices of overtly HAPPY people and lack of good fun and banter :-(

For those of you who think that the radio ka morning show is irrelevant please go and give yourselves a nice kick in your rear.. You have no idea what you missed out on.. These were the people who kept me sane during Ganesh Chaturti days on my drive to and fro to town at 7 am.. I used to enjoy being in the air conditioned comforts of my car, reading and applying my make up while having them incessantly go on about s'thing inane.. Now, I can't wait for the songs to tune in and for that idiot retard Hitman to shut his dumb ass up!!!!

But on a happier note I have been flirting with Jaggu over SMS.. And I think he has realised how he needs to put his 20 cents worth in at times so I can almost sense him beating the crap outta Sangram verbally once the mic's are switched off.. WOOHOO you go baby.. and I Love You Jags :-)

P.S: If you heard him, you'd realise the need for expletives in this post..

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Constant meandering

I am no music connoisseur.. But just the voice of Kunal Ganjawala echoing through the speakers at any given time - be it a known or unknown song, leaves me in a mood to sway.. Even if the number is amazingly depressing I just feel like melding into the song and losing myself in it..

Yes its his voice but also how he enunciates his words.. With a small gasp of air passing his breath once he has sung themwith a strange sortta s'thing that could best be described as a sensual lisp.. Even simple words have a way of sounding so poetic once uttered in his magical ways..

But that's not my entry for today.. that was just the effect of the music swirling around..

I wanted to write about driving today.. Driving your own car.. A pleasure I'm sure all of you take for granted considering you do it everyday.. Ask me - I drive a few times a year when I'm home in a land where traffic signals exist for a reason and there are laws you can't break by flashing a Govt Id or dropping a hari patti into the pandu's pocket..

I remember driving recklessly as a youth.. Chatting away on the tiniest Nokia out at the time.. Totally brand-conscious in my signature whites and blacks.. Music blaring screaming my identity as an Indian in a land predominantly full of goray and I'd have people of different races do a little jig for me on Saturday mornings at a crosswalk, when I'd be zipping through downtown to reach the Brewery.. My friends could recognize me miles away and no it wasn't because my brother's car was the first to be flashed around or even his "KRAZY" license plate.. Its because the car had attitude.. Its because the car represented him.. Its because the car idealised him and I was using it just as I have occupied everything else that is his as my own.. Its also because I used to be so chatty and my parents had this idea of staying in touch always.. And in a family of four we occupied fone lines almost every minute of the waking hours.. Add my husband, the then flava of the season, and rockin dude!! I'd be on fone perenially.. I'd even stop my local flirting for the flava to get in communication from oceans away.. Yes, those were the days..

My beautifully highlighted perfectly groomed hair spraying across in the cold chills of the moonshade and windows of the then newest ML 320.. My Chanel shades covering half my face and my bright eyed sparks.. My Anne Klein watch telling on how much the flava was losing to his cell phone company.. My Aldo boots reminding me how I take my Dad for granted.. My tuxedo shirt and black suit a total paradox to my vibrant personality adding years to my mental age in their outlook.. My perfume - a perfect fragrance of my personality, always bought by the flava.. How he knew exactly the way my chemistry works and what defines the brash n sassy with the sensitive n mushy is beyond me.. Not once as he tried a perfume on my skin but he has known they'd be evocative nonetheless.. Yes - I was a different me, with my Christian Dior bag and white YSL shirt and Pepe jeans with a CK belt defining my casual attire.. Even my sterling silver bracelet from Hermes a gift from my dad had an aircraft a teddy bear and a horse shoe all of which were connected with the flava and considering how dad detested him I was knockered.. Dad had sent me my first keychain then from Bally.. My first most treasured possession.. Yes the men in my life have spoilt me silly.. Between treasure chests and poems being specially etched on crystal, to wooden carvings of a memory to last forever, to a candy bouquet for simply existing.. Surprise parties for getting admission into the local uni so that I didn't have to be miles away from B where he even had sugar rimmed glasses with chocolate shakes and strawberry.. Hand dyed shoes matching this amazing midnight blue nightgown.. A birthday greeting from dad couriered as a cutout from a newspaper.. 16 half blooms long stemmed roses and a chocolate cake on my 16th bday being delivered by this handsome butler to my doorstep.. Yes, these men have made me feel very special and I will always cling on to these moments which aren't out of a Mills n Boon novel rather a personal life experience..

Thanks dad.. I don't get to thank you enough for all the love I have disregarded so many times.. For the care and concern you still bestow despite having your tiny eyes closed to the world.. For all your hard-earned money I spent on being brand conscious foolishly.. For making me half the parent you are with unreserved amounts of patient and love..

Thanks b.. I carry you in my thoughts, in every single moment I breathe I gasp for fresh air asking God to bless you all that you deserve.. In everything I do I worry about letting you down of your aspirations of me.. I only hope one day you can be physically accessible at all times even if for brief moments of letting away my fears and anguish in that one hug u enevlope me with.. And please don't make fun of me at the airports when I leave you with tears bellowing from my eyes..

Jaan - I'm rude, mean, nasty and callous with you.. I'm on my worst behavior with you and you've still stuck around.. Forget my scribblings, they are nothing.. I dedicate this life to you and I don't know about rebirth but wherever I am I always want you with me.. Yes I wanna suffocate and strangle you with my presence and you un-bore me of my entire existence..

Sallitoty - Read this and realise you have 3 men as examples set before you.. And if you turn out anything like I imagine your combination to be because of your exposure and influence of them then you're gonna rock the world.. You are anyway my superstar and stop emotionally blackmailing me with your sweet kisses on my belly and feigned innocence on ur rapscallion face!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Discord = Diss Accord!!

Odes to happiness bore me.. They are absolutely and purely unintelligent shitty material.. Makes for horrid reading.. Ever gone through a book and counted how many pages it takes to write about final happiness? 1 thats right.. the single prime number 1.. And how many pages does the author digress dismal sadness in? No single numbers at least.. And there's a reason for it too.. Happiness is great when its happening to self but when it happens to someone around you, you begin to wonder - is it OK for me to relent this? Is it ok for me to want to be in their place? Is it OK for me to stay away cos I cant stand this?

I hate being around people when I'm happy ;-) Does it show? I think its my over-confidence that reeks..

There's another thing that gets me into a frenzy.. Expiry dates.. Why do people make such a huge monumental deal about things that expire? People outlive their worth.. They exhaust their growth and they cannot sustain different brainwaves or wavelengths.. When s'thing becomes too much of a burden to trudge along don't you just leave the baggage aside? It's almost like taking a terminally ill appendage and carrying its weight forever.. Worst is people who can't get the message and cannot let go.. The message is loud and clear - have some pride.. If I'm not reaching or responding then have enough self-pride to back the &*($ off.. But oh no, no.. Lingering is a thing that people indulge in these days..

I feel suffocated between people who can't handle happiness and people who expire their usage..

Am I so self-centered that I can't see beyond myself? No I am just another anti-social person who hates having their space invaded.. So think of me as you will but my views will come haunt you once your personal and private space gets trampled and smeared on as if it were a vile sanctimonious territory..

Friday, September 08, 2006

He-man Hero

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

That's the song that's been running through my head all evening.. Aah pure bliss.. When my man has his arms around me protectively, suggestively barricading the world off of me, when I'm nestled in the grip of his wide chest and soft embrace, I feel like I'm home.. It transcends every thought, every fear, every feeling and makes me feel like - makes me feel like - yes, makes me feel like a hero..

He had that look in his eyes today ya'know? The look I've been searching for in his eyes for so long now.. Of appreciation, of admiration, of camaraderie, of equality, but most of all - the primeval look a neanderthal gives his woman :-) I'm his and I submit to him each time he reigns over my heart and soul.. He fascinates me when he comes to my wavelength to decipher where my mind has wandered off to this time..

Yes today was pure bliss but like always short lasted.. He's leavin on a jet plane and I know he'll be back in a week maybe 10 days, but this wait just kills me to collapse into him all over again.. I don't want to complain of back pain, I don't want to shower and have him not kiss my the back of my neck, I don't want to wash my hair and not have him sigh at the whiff of it spraying through him, I don't want to wear my eyeliner when he's not staring into the mirror wondering what it is I am going to do to tantalize him today, I don't want to wear my high heels to match up to his height to kiss me, I don't want to tie my scarf or wear my ring for him not to adorn it..

I only want to have him near all the time.. And today I wish with all my might that tonight will last forever like every other night, every other night that doesn't seem to end because of his absentia..

P.S: jaan, if you're reading this - I love you..

Hiss absentia

I had an epiphany recently.. I have loved too many times in vain.. But the classic one defeats even Liz Taylor's story.. I have loved and lost the same man continually for the last 15 years.. I have lost him around 9 times (Im not counting the times where we were separated for less than 6 months) and the times I have spent with him has been 10% of elapsed time without him.. And I've ended up marrying this very same man knowing fully well that my existence will continue in the manner of seeing him 10% of the year.. So now, who do you think constitutes as the biggest retard in the universe? YES!!!!! me :-) I must really love this man methinks.. Either that or I might be sadistic.. Which could be a possibility considering how my home is filled with medicines of different kinds and names - my son seems to think I run a pharmacy when neighbors come to me with their ailments and I dole out what I deem best for their illness.. Not to mention at the age of 2, he is fascinated by the idea of pill-popping considering the amount of medications I ingest.. You'd think most of it would be harmless multi-vits etc right? Oh hell no.. I'm more screwed up than that.. The majority constitutes steroids and those feel-good drugs like Delottid and Demarral.. OOoooooh yeah baby..

How do I gain access to this you say? Well see that's how I have NOT digressed this once.. Seeing the man I wanted to spend the rest of my LIFE with but seeing him only for 40 days in a year means I have "stress".. Oh yeah that scary word - which means logic has beaten the sane medical professionals to resort to an escape called - "stress".. So anyway, my stress makes sure I have problems in every arena.. Kidney stones, Colitis, Low hemoglobin, and loads others which aren't really that fatal but sound horrifying when listed all together.. The best one is getting low on sugar ;-) What a fantastic way to splurge calories on muffins and biscotti with the excuse of sugar drrrrroooppping..

Anyway, in comparison, this man of mine, exists totally healthy.. Why you may ask? Well consider this.. His needs are met, his daily requirements taken care of and he needs to jhelo his wife n kid for only 40 days a year.. Even if it exceeds that limit by 10 days - guys picture this.. 315 days no stress of whats up with the vices increasing when you vowed that you'd quit during our engagement/marriage/pregnancy/birth of child.. No more landmarks left to quit but nobody asking you whether they look fat, how its irritating to have the toilet seat up and all the other banal reasons normal people who co-habitate go through for exploding like volcanoes.. Lucky dogs you!!

See it from my perspective - I quit work, have a driver to take me to the far off lands within the city called Mumbai but the driver has to leave for 3 months to tend his farms for harvesting season so I need to be rendered hapless and helpless till I find a new one.. I have a cook who comes in 1-3 hours early or late than the designated time and makes a mess of my kitchen, lets my vegetables rot and finishes the one that aren't even ripe yet.. I have one maid to sweep the floors and wash the utensils but she has to have a holiday every public holiday which in this country is every second day considering the number of religions we respect.. I have another maid to ensure the house is free of dust lest I catch on the allergy of dust mites and land up with a new disease but this woman herself doesn't shower in days and gets the stench of the world with her.. And I have a laundry-man who irons all of my sofa covers, bedsheets and clothes.. I'd be lucky if he makes his presence felt once every week at least and that to before I've collapsed into bed.. He makes sure he rings the bell either before 7:30 am or after 10:30 pm.. I then have a milkman who comes regularly everyday but considering Im his last stop at 8:30 am, he never has enough milk to sustain my household of me and my son.. I have a man who is hired to clean the cars but the cars remain untouched from the inside.. I discovered a packet of chips yesterday half eaten and the other half loaded in fungus from almost a year gone by.. No wonder now there is cockroach infestation.. There's a mechanic for taking care of my cars but he requires the cars to be with him for at least a minimum for a week.. My son has a paediatrition who opens his clinic at 9:30am and his fone line is busy as always.. If you call after 9:35am the days appointments are done.. So my son has to get sick according to the time his dude is free.. I have a family doctor who is med happy.. My son requires antibiotics for a viral sore throat (don't know how virus and bacteria are of the same family but anyway) and this man prescribes a growth medication, multi-vits, anti allergic, and a fever suppressant.. Now my son is a strong man (you should see his gene pool) and requires 3 ppl to put down 3/4 tsp of antibiotics once a day.. How this GP expects me to give him 4 meds 3 times a day is beyond me but hey, wishful thinking does exist..

And in all this, I still consider this a normal world and a happy working marriage.. How you may ask? Well it may be because of all the pill popping ;-) Or maybe love truly is deaf blind dumb mute and all the other handicaps you can think of? But in all honesty, I still wouldn't have it any other way - just this way with this man of mine..

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ijaazat mei Ibaadat

Aaj, after so many days, I revisited the movie Ijaazat.. It was playing on the cable and I couldn't resist visiting a movie like this.. Alas, they don't make them like anymore.. That's what you thought Id say didn't you? Do you really think with all the spewing Im doing I would be likely to say s'thing so mundane and overdone? Well then you were right ;-)

So real, so easy to figure out the actors and their roles.. As opposed to that in KANK.. Yes I know I know I liked it too but after watching Ijaazat I have realized Karan Johar spent too much time missing out the real links between relationships.. Or did he? Do you and I not opt to reach out to the universe at large despite finding nothing lacking in our own inner worlds of conflict?

I spend too much time over analyzing :-( I've realized that its out of a fear of dying because of Alzheimers.. Ive started drinking more juice and stopped using bartan made of the element Al.. I think Im happier with my schizophrenia.. One more mental ailment and they'd lock me up for sure!! They don't make dementia like me anymore ;-) But who knows if you are actually reading this you could become a part of the same dementia and you could pass it on.. Quick run away before they malign you with the tag of this disease!!

You too fell in the captivate of "they" didn't you? I hate them.. They blame it on stress when they run out of logical answers.. They tell me to ignore a 3 yr old baby whose legs are as skinny as my fingers and whose ribs jut out.. They tell me it's OK to wait in a queue endlessly when my baby is crying out of illness because the 24 hr dispensary really is a mock up room to pay the bank for the mortgage and the doctor there is really some naturopath quack.. They say its OK to pay 33% in income tax and still have roads that deteriorate the performance of my 16 lakh car and spend absurd amounts on fuel to reach a distance of 30 kms in an hour.. They say if someone hurts you its OK to get into your shell because they are the majority..

Yes, I've deviated and digressed.. Sue me.. But please don't become a bracket or subset of "them"..

This one's for you

He seems to think I have a complaint about him in so many aspects when all I can say is that he sets me off higher.. I may be a philanderer to a very small degree but does that make his influence on me any less? NO of course not!!! It makes me a lover of facial hair and short haircuts and nothing in between!! It makes me fallible, it makes me human, it makes me - me; the one with the spirit of an untamable horse..

I do not like the smell of poop especially not horse poop.. Really if horse poop was so big in the aroma region wouldn't Ralph Lauren and Christian Dior be making perfumes of their poop instead of D&G concentrating on adding the smell of leather into their musky colognes? So stop making fun of me you avid nature freaks and leave me be to find a formula to annihilate the insect species!! I was digressing as usual :-(

Coming back to what I was saying though, I do feel my spirit is akin to the stallion from the animation "Spirit".. And rightly so, because no human should feel entrapped in its own cage of ifs and buts.. Instead one should be able to experience the entire gamut of existentialism and then, and only then should they want to feel to stay within their confines of what is governed as normal..

Wake up, smell the fresh tar of the roads (no Im not weird but if you lived in a city where the roads are constantly broken and made in a span of what seems to be a light year as opposed to a year you'd understand), take a dose of your pump to de-clog your senses from smog and smile.. You are a free person.. Don't feel like a slave to the dictates of society (No you pervs - I do not mean go copulate with the entire universe.. You are human not from bunny-clan!!)..

Thus ends this post of a person who constantly lives in contradiction.. Im too chicken to do what I say (I am a sati savitri bharatiya nari and I can hear all the people who know me go - Yeah right :-P) so when you believe and submit just inform me of the aftermath.. I'd love to feel so much more better about myself in my cushy little chair where I don't stray far enough into the woods to feel the thunderous bolts and jolts..

And btw this post also does not mean , Veux-tu coucher avec moi ce soir? It just means carpe diem and joie de vivre..

P.S: Does my love for using languages unbeknownst to me show?

Monday, September 04, 2006

Break Dance

Lets do our little dance why don't we.. Let's do that little dance we do to irate each other, to make sure the other is feeling as insecure in this.. Lets do that little jig so we know for sure their heart still ticks to our beats momentum.. Gee what fun..

Ugh!! The mentality of adults as they grow older seem to transcend in the opposite direction of adolescents.. Whoever said relationships are built to last was high on s'thing.. I'm not sure it was the smell of petrol speaking or the injected heroin oozing out of their pen.. How can anything last when you keep trying to break the foundation? How long do you test the threads till you know for sure, "hey its gonna be here awhile now.. i can stop pinching poking prodding and all the other p'ing".. Now I know I am working in contradiction directly with my earlier post about being able to be taken for granted but seriously people - MIDDLE DAMN GROUND!!! Or has that become like a foreign and alien concept now?

But really, once the rosy phase is over I'd like to go and ask people - baby what in God's will were u actually thinking? Is this really what you want? Is this what you've been 'waiting for an eternity' for? And once the turbulence arises I'd like to just go and smile and defiantly say in my head - Hey buddy, I told you so :-) (thats only if I wear my armour before they stone me!)

So which phase are you in now? Can we please have you fast forward to the I told you so phase? Pretty please? :-)

Shoulder Surfing

According to urbandictionary.com, this means "To look over the shoulder(s) of a person with whom you are currently engaged in conversation to see if you can find someone 'better' to talk to."

Now pray tell me, when is the last time we haven't deviated from the current interest at hand? Be it a job, an object of luxurious materialistico, a lover, a friend and sometimes yes even our own self-worth? Im proud to say I shoulder surf most if not all of the time. At least Im honest enough to accept it. What about you? Can you come to terms with it within yourself and say it out loud instead of being pretentious and dedicated to whatever it is you currently fancy? The last thing you need is suffocation within it because as we all know *that* just leads to disinterest.

I live my life like a voyeur. Vicariously through this single, independent, bold, outrightly ferocious woman who I call my friend. If only we could split lives I'd be kicking ass and she'd be changing diapers. And we both would've been more santusht with ourselves mesays. I wish I could go to work, whine about it (and feel great self-worth inside anyway due to my accomplishments), earn my money (though a fraction of what my husband earns) and feel like I am on top of the world, and sleep and wake up at an odd hour that my body dictates not the sound of my baby cooing into my ears - "Mama, dudu".. I wish I could wear indecent clothes, have men brawl over me (believe me there was a time when this unsightly body didn't look this way) and still dance away at a club being totally in the unknown about the number of heartbreaks.. Yes, I'd like to be footloose and fancy-free.. I'd love to be superficial with a care the f!@# attitude..

But then it happens, he comes to me with this incredulous smile as soon as he wakes up in the morning.. Hops on to the couch right next to me and hugs me like I've never felt more comforted ever.. He gives me a kiss on my cheek and wishes me a good morning and looks into my eyes with a twinkle saying I'm ready to have my chocolate milk.. He feels soft, he smells of mothercare moisturizing cream and sweat like his father.. His hair rubs against the palm of my fingers and I just cave.. I don't want to work, I don't care about the brawls.. This is it.. He is my life.. but I still retain the right to 'Shoulder Surf' when I begin to lose interest just so that he can bring me back in.. In to my own life, his life, that I feel treasured and priveleged to be a part of..

Pea Brains

Whatever said and done, at the end of the day it was desipundit.com who had me introduced to this wonderful world of blogging.. I realised that there are so many souls who dont have sputum as verbatim from books; but actually people of my age (some so much younger and wiser) that feel like my ilk.. I could relate more to them than the Arundhati Roy's and Rohinton Mistry's.. How could this be? My thought processes needed food for stimulation and I received that in the form of evestigio and parth and geetanjali's work amongst so many more I have been exposed to in the last so long..

But that's not what my first post is about.. Its as it should be - about angst.. Unportrayed and unexhibited angst.. They say they love you, they give you a time and if you don't work around that time limit in 15 minutes, boom!! The love has dissipated and so have they.. En facto they forget - children, work, maids, life can't be put on a timetable but nonetheless love does dissipate.. Once the newness dies pea brains take birth.. The thought of taking somebody for granted used to be such a heavenly notion once upon a time.. Now it is simply a lack of courtesy from the men I have been exposed to in the world.. Pea Brains and not aught else..

And on that note, I need to add my current love interest is Ajay Devgan in Omkara.. Anyone willing to serve him to me in any form on a platter will be rewarded well and thusly.. He makes ones palette reach no bounds in drool-dom and I have realised my undying attraction towards Abhishek Bacchan may falter if this stithi continues..

And there ends my first post.. No it may not sound erudite today nor may it be intelligent.. But isn't that what random abstract thoughts are all about? Aren't they about just being in the state of being? Well then, this is being for today..