Constant meandering

I am no music connoisseur.. But just the voice of Kunal Ganjawala echoing through the speakers at any given time - be it a known or unknown song, leaves me in a mood to sway.. Even if the number is amazingly depressing I just feel like melding into the song and losing myself in it..

Yes its his voice but also how he enunciates his words.. With a small gasp of air passing his breath once he has sung themwith a strange sortta s'thing that could best be described as a sensual lisp.. Even simple words have a way of sounding so poetic once uttered in his magical ways..

But that's not my entry for today.. that was just the effect of the music swirling around..

I wanted to write about driving today.. Driving your own car.. A pleasure I'm sure all of you take for granted considering you do it everyday.. Ask me - I drive a few times a year when I'm home in a land where traffic signals exist for a reason and there are laws you can't break by flashing a Govt Id or dropping a hari patti into the pandu's pocket..

I remember driving recklessly as a youth.. Chatting away on the tiniest Nokia out at the time.. Totally brand-conscious in my signature whites and blacks.. Music blaring screaming my identity as an Indian in a land predominantly full of goray and I'd have people of different races do a little jig for me on Saturday mornings at a crosswalk, when I'd be zipping through downtown to reach the Brewery.. My friends could recognize me miles away and no it wasn't because my brother's car was the first to be flashed around or even his "KRAZY" license plate.. Its because the car had attitude.. Its because the car represented him.. Its because the car idealised him and I was using it just as I have occupied everything else that is his as my own.. Its also because I used to be so chatty and my parents had this idea of staying in touch always.. And in a family of four we occupied fone lines almost every minute of the waking hours.. Add my husband, the then flava of the season, and rockin dude!! I'd be on fone perenially.. I'd even stop my local flirting for the flava to get in communication from oceans away.. Yes, those were the days..

My beautifully highlighted perfectly groomed hair spraying across in the cold chills of the moonshade and windows of the then newest ML 320.. My Chanel shades covering half my face and my bright eyed sparks.. My Anne Klein watch telling on how much the flava was losing to his cell phone company.. My Aldo boots reminding me how I take my Dad for granted.. My tuxedo shirt and black suit a total paradox to my vibrant personality adding years to my mental age in their outlook.. My perfume - a perfect fragrance of my personality, always bought by the flava.. How he knew exactly the way my chemistry works and what defines the brash n sassy with the sensitive n mushy is beyond me.. Not once as he tried a perfume on my skin but he has known they'd be evocative nonetheless.. Yes - I was a different me, with my Christian Dior bag and white YSL shirt and Pepe jeans with a CK belt defining my casual attire.. Even my sterling silver bracelet from Hermes a gift from my dad had an aircraft a teddy bear and a horse shoe all of which were connected with the flava and considering how dad detested him I was knockered.. Dad had sent me my first keychain then from Bally.. My first most treasured possession.. Yes the men in my life have spoilt me silly.. Between treasure chests and poems being specially etched on crystal, to wooden carvings of a memory to last forever, to a candy bouquet for simply existing.. Surprise parties for getting admission into the local uni so that I didn't have to be miles away from B where he even had sugar rimmed glasses with chocolate shakes and strawberry.. Hand dyed shoes matching this amazing midnight blue nightgown.. A birthday greeting from dad couriered as a cutout from a newspaper.. 16 half blooms long stemmed roses and a chocolate cake on my 16th bday being delivered by this handsome butler to my doorstep.. Yes, these men have made me feel very special and I will always cling on to these moments which aren't out of a Mills n Boon novel rather a personal life experience..

Thanks dad.. I don't get to thank you enough for all the love I have disregarded so many times.. For the care and concern you still bestow despite having your tiny eyes closed to the world.. For all your hard-earned money I spent on being brand conscious foolishly.. For making me half the parent you are with unreserved amounts of patient and love..

Thanks b.. I carry you in my thoughts, in every single moment I breathe I gasp for fresh air asking God to bless you all that you deserve.. In everything I do I worry about letting you down of your aspirations of me.. I only hope one day you can be physically accessible at all times even if for brief moments of letting away my fears and anguish in that one hug u enevlope me with.. And please don't make fun of me at the airports when I leave you with tears bellowing from my eyes..

Jaan - I'm rude, mean, nasty and callous with you.. I'm on my worst behavior with you and you've still stuck around.. Forget my scribblings, they are nothing.. I dedicate this life to you and I don't know about rebirth but wherever I am I always want you with me.. Yes I wanna suffocate and strangle you with my presence and you un-bore me of my entire existence..

Sallitoty - Read this and realise you have 3 men as examples set before you.. And if you turn out anything like I imagine your combination to be because of your exposure and influence of them then you're gonna rock the world.. You are anyway my superstar and stop emotionally blackmailing me with your sweet kisses on my belly and feigned innocence on ur rapscallion face!