Summer vacations in full galore.. Silly comes back with funky craft projects from summer camp that actually make the cut for being displayed in white and black home.. This is the first time I've actually stayed put in aamchi mumbai for longer than 4 months.. No long vacation to international destinations :-( Silly's not in playschool anymore.. He's growing up fast screwing up my penchant for being a nomad as his feet grow into bigger shoes with every passing step..

But I've tried to keep my hands busy - second exhibition preparations underway and this time I've designed jewellery too.. Poor timzi is having a heart attack looking at the bills stacking up for inventory purchases :-) The baniya doesn't know business and profit ke funday.. But he'll learn with time when the moolah comes rolling in with time.. He drools at the orders, I only wish he told me just once, baby why don't you keep this for yourself.. The moron doesnt even look at my work with the eye of a man who I've trained in the taste department..

Anyway I am currently on this grouse dealing with patriotism.. I've been raised in two different countries and the last 3 years I've spent in the "motherland".. Which it actually even isn't.. It's my father's land.. My mom is a Pakistani by identity and birth.. But yet when I go for an Emraan Hashmi movie I have to stand while the Indian anthem is being played.. I am Canadian by the loyalty that lies within me but why do I have to be subjugated to a national anthem at the NFL.. How does that make any sense? If a firang disses India I get offended and if an Indian disses North America I get pained again.. Im a global denizen and yet an outcast and an outsider everywhere.. Im not American born, but sure have Arab influences due to birth and childhood development years.. I welcome the harmony of cultures but why shove the patriotism's when you say its OK to have dual citizenship? You means that's OK only for legalities but otherwise you have to choose the former and latter.. You still have to choose.. Horrible horrible this world of choices..

Coming down to more material pleasures I had two boys to men working on my beggar feet the other day.. I need a pedicure almost every 10 days if not a week because the skin gets so dry in this heat.. And I finally decided to have it done at this swanky salon instead of the luxury of the girls coming home.. And they scraped off every last bit of callous and hardened skin that everytime I glance at my feet I get a turn on at how soft they are naturally without all the paraffin wax and cream/sock treatments.. Yippie!!! can't wait for my next session day after..

Im going to Aurangabad this weekend as opposed to Canuck-land and I'm jumping with glee.. Can't you see the sentence laced with sarcasm? This 4 day vacation better be good on at least the food front or *someone* is gonna be in big trouble <--- Amzi!!!!

Time to sign off and return to the world of embroidery, crochet, macrame, silks, brasso, jute, lace etc..

P.S: Happy Mother's Day Mom.. Come home soon.. Ab bas ho gaya.. I love you *umma*

una redundancia

I was waiting for Amzi to get home.. Late night arrival so I cleared the toys, put the laundry aside, painted the nails and started to fidget.. I hate waiting for the polish to dry - makes me a prisoner to feminine wiles and the comedy channel was playing Seinfeld.. God I *hate* that show.. If you like it well you're as gross as Timzi.. So I was surfing and came across a site and this is what it said about me.. Why don't you try it? It's always fun to while away time trying to "discover oneself"..

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

In any case, this blog is more about helping out in the least uncomfortable way possible.. Most of you hate forwards (I say you, because I delete them based on whether I like/dislike content in the first 5 words instead of creating a huge big hoop-la about "DONT SEND ME FORWARDS YOU FREAK") and sometimes the charity with just a click is all humbug but how false could this be considering its on the MS site.. So for those of you who do chat please let Microsoft invade the little space/privacy you had them out of and subscribe to i'm

Considering the big crisis issues for future world health I had a few radical, thought provoking ideas.. Lets make a list and send it to KJo to display on Koffee with Karan the next time he invites Ritesh Deshmukh and has him subscribe it to Vilasrao who'd just let it slide like everything else does during his tenure and leadership..

To avoid further pollution of our beautiful insect infested environment we could all travel in bullock carts which would thereby generate gobar for the gobar gas and less meat would be consumed thus lesser wastage in terms of astiyan of the bullocks in the refuse pile of the garbage inventory..

And all this talk over alternative fuel I really wonder about the logistics of making Gobar Gas a dream come true at least for the sub-continent.. I mean re-cycling extraneous physical body waste for the purpose of sustaining the same would be much like evaporation-condensation-precipitation..

Endless possibilities (and you can stop giggling and ewwing anytime now - I WAS SERIOUS!!??) At the very least we could save and procure it into cylinders to run rickshaws instead of CNG.. Can you imagine lugging a cylinder of gas generated by thy shrine aka thy body and paying a basic rate to the rickshaw-walah because you'd be fueling your own transportation cost? Brilliant- Im brilliant.. After the entire bakwaas of NASA and the pen/pencil issue I think they should hire people like me giving them sasta and tikau ideas ;-)

And I'm sure Pamela Anderson has a huge populous of admirers.. Considering she supports PETA we should have loadsa stalkers as far as she's concerned.. I mean for the betterment of the gonna be extinct animal species I'm sure we could sacrifice a blond bombshell who causes grief to women worldwide no?

We could device the "honey I shrunk the kids" formula and douse Michael Jackson in it and then send him as the lamb for pedophiles worldwide.. Once they're done exploiting him, we'd be rid of a rare human breed and then all the pedophiles could be skinned alive.. Their skin would then make our bags and shoes instead of the voiceless animals..

Hell I have a ridiculously better idea.. Instead of advising the amrikans on using a clothesline for drying clothes like we do in the ghats over here, we should teach them about the concept of natural coolers.. We should blanket our world slowly with wet khus and spread the desi perfume worldwide..

Bhaiya, Im on a roll and I have to write all this down and send it to the badhau before it all dissipates from the draft of the waft in my grey matter..

P.S: I'd have hyperlinked badhau to the White House official website to indicate George Bush but I'm nothing more than chicken shit (too much talk of crap in this blog) so I didn't and no you canNOT sue me for that!!

A little knowledge is a *VERY* dangerous thing..

So my well-rounded (pun unintended!!) bro directs me to the MedPage Today website for some relevant information and I start doing my own little surfing around to it and I chance upon this which causes a whole lot of grief.. Lemme explain hon - this is how it started.. It was 3pm and the sun was doing its jig in full glory.. Hot, humid, sunny and Silly was done with his nap.. Of course, whats surprising, the kid has made it his aim in life to be an oddity (wonder where he gets it from hmm.. ;-) ) So I take him downstairs to maybe play in the pit (foolish that I am) or maybe even check out the pool's hygiene level for the day..

But lo n behold and some outrageously insane parents sent their even zanier kids down to play a game of cricket.. Some 6 boys between the ages of 5-9.. I asked them if Silly could pitch in.. As a fielder or bowler of course and they said OK and had him under their protective cootchie cooing wings (whats wrong with the boys of today and being in touch with their blasted feminine side from such a young age!!) Silly was of course milking all the attention and the cheek pulling and the awwwhs generated by the crowd of boys.. I offered to bring his bat and ball so he could do his hockey thing on the side when they wanted to actually work at the game.. By the time I came back the crowd of 7-9 yr olds reduced.. And we was left with a group of 4.. I was asked to bowl fast ones, slow ones (Im quite like Rimii's character in Hat Trick as far as cricket is concerned :-( ) which I did and of course as should be the witness of the momentous day that I partook in a lousy sport as this my favorite pair of CK jeans no less, ripped at the knees.. I ain't no biker chick and neither Im in the ultra chic crowd of havin ripped jeans which to me is baseless 'fashion' if that in the first case.. But we played for a good hour after that..

And since that day I have taken Silly swimming religiously everyday to avoid anymore 'wardrobe malfunctions'.. After last year, the media inundating the news with the term to the hilt I began to miss it thus the usage.. I'm fascinated with the answer to my constant thought - Silly has the fear of God (he's successfully potty trained - YEAY!!!) so he asks to step out when he needs to take a leak but how many 'classy and cultured' adults step out to do the job? I mean its like "Oh of course I don't have any gas to pass!" when something smells rancid around but I've seen them squirm and let their face blush trying to suppress the body's melody of brief percussion-al sounds!! But that's a side note..

Have you heard the song Barfaan - The Blue Umbrella - Amazing piece of work quite unlike the current crop of masala movies :-( Horrid, horrid.. Every one can easily be classified into my list of crappy movies.. Why does that list need to be over-populated all at one go? :-( The only saving grace they have some peppy numbers that Fever - 104 FM play constantly.. Just the other day I was listening to Breathless by The Corrs and I was actually unadulterated happy for a good 5 minutes despite the current spate of events - A/C malfunction againnnn, TV not being repaired despite 2 months of trying to procure some IC* part, Hum India shifting location to this godforsaken hellhole where traffic is obscene, maid having gone to the village for 3 days, Amzi refusing to eat parval ki bhaji (I have to get into this in a later blog!!), Celina Jaitley being the worst thing in Shaka Laka Boom Boom with even her assets jiggling with bad skin and worse make up..

I went to Udaipur.. Prices are so reasonable in the pind!! I've decided I'm marrying whatever Maharana and moving there.. Even Silly's horse was a healthy tagda munda of course nothing like the Arabian steed but a robust one nonetheless.. We saw the puppet show, did a few matha tek's, Silly took over Dad's negotiations when the poor sub-contractors were peeing their pants while Dad kept deleting the zeroes from their figures and my baby actually steered the boat (I doano the classification further than a canoe/motorboat/yacht.. Nauticals aren't my forte ?!) And we got the evening glimpse of The Lake Palace and its marble glistening and all I could hear was Rabbi's Tere Bin echoing in my ears..

In any case I've made a pran - somehow I've gotta lose weight.. I mean hello Adnan Sami lost over 104kgs without any sharp instruments making oscillatory movements on his fat so I have NO excuse.. Im gonna join CLAY for some aerobic shit (Oh hell - leotards and women comparin chest and ass sizes :-( ) and Silly is gonna indulge in breaking what will hopefully be somebody else's acquired goods and Im praying it'd be some pretty little twit with a perky nose and perfect hourglass figure who'd be the victim this time.. Or even one of those young musky perfumed rugged biker guys with no studs just loadsa attitude and a mindblowing haircut.. I'm tired of being Yashoda to the peers.. I need some eye-candy ;-) (Before you j2c i.e, jump to conclusions, I *only* swing in Amzi's direction!!)