Declaration of WAR

Let history remain as a witness to the end of tyranny by *you* - Yes I no longer wish to submit to your will.. Its the end of your world as we know it so darling brace yourself!!

I forbid you to force me to go into my silent flighty mode - you need to be cordial with me at all times no matter how selfish this may seem. I return the favor (well most times anyway)..

I am non-confrontational but this does not mean you let millenia pass between us with unresolved issues festering at the brim.. I can don the hat of a snake with poison flowing with my tide.. Keep it ebbing at the bay is a job function in your job description..

I would love to kick your ass at least a 100 times a day considering how you enrage me.. Please make the desired goods available for the purpose of kicking as and when I desire..

I hate being misunderstood and you make it your job to do so continually!! I love you - that will not change.. It is etched in stone and that just goes to say I love everything about you (well lets not push luck and test the waters at this point).. So stop portraying things I say in a negative light..

I am the biggest proponent of 'quality time'.. If I find it being raided upon by others make sure you know you have to equip yourself to deal with a woman in full fury mode because I shall consider that I have been scorned!

I hate my privacy being encroached on.. By you or by reasons attested to you.. If I feel parts of me get to be in public domain without my assent or knowledge I will make sure you remain in a perpetual state of screwdom for the rest of my lifetime..

I don't like being told what to do.. I am a full fledged adult.. Just because I have cut my claws and tamed myself down don't fool yourself into thinking I have become docile.. I hate the ultra glorious delicate Eve.. I am a strong independent woman.. Treat me with the due respect before I concrete your upper orifice shut..

I hold the right to increase this list as my will may deem.. This is not the end of this battle.. I can and will badger you in the future.. Accept it graciously and let me win.. I still believe in chivalry?!

YES YES YES!!

shut up u nutjob!! that wasnt an orgasm of any order.. perverted soul!! you actually think Id indulge in *such* histrionics that too on my uncorrupted and beautifully virgin pure blog? Oh who the hell am I kidding?! YES IM IN LOVE AGAIN!!!

Im home..

and my family physician had to remind me its just been 4 months since I visited her last :-( Well I missed her too.. She used to write All Bran on her prescription note cos I was too constipated and she wanted me to fix my dietary habits.. Its another thing the cereal is 'speaking' volumes these days in my bowel activities but thats another story for another time ;-)

I went through London customs and anyone who has traveled through that WEIRD AS HELL city in the current times would understand my agony.. my liquid obsessed kid requires no sugar no preservative containin liquids cos moi disapproves of them.. so I gotsta carry em with me.. hey Im doin a good thing here and savin ze hub's money at the dentists!! protectin the bairn's teeth n all but oh lord have mercy.. I gotta taste that damn cucumber spinach fruit juice cos God forbid s'thin lurks deep within the green nasty shiets I make him consume!! and thats not even the worst of it.. they have one.. I mean uno, ek, wahed - SINGULAR - customs officer to check all the 'suspicious' baggage.. I mean hello? ur just abt the busiest airport in the world.. do you really think that one louch per xray machine is gonna suffice.. like what the hell do you charge me airport tax for (and their airport taxes seem like Im being anally had for and believe me I aint into *that* side of the nekkid games!!) so immigration takes an hour and going through scanning cabin garbage goes through another hour.. try doing that with a hyper active 2 yr old who has been sittin in 'papa plane' for almost a week every alternate day.. not pleasant eh? and you thought I was a whiny naggin house wife!!! I HAVE GOOD REASON TO BE A COMPLAINT WORT!!

any way I was saying Im home.. but in this whole while I was away things have changed so drastically.. Its a new condo by the waterfront with fantastic view but that also means its this humangous complex with a million doors.. Almost seems like a game to go to the gym or the waterfront for a walk.. The parking is mayhem and all the roads that led to home now lead to Rome.. Dudes - I dont stay here remember? Hello? Keep up already!!! New methods, new things - fantastic keeps life worth living but I need normal and mundane for a change :-( Yes - ME - who needs newness every second I breathe.. I need boring for a change.. please:-(

But thats another story for another day - right now Im just pissed off.. B - GET OFF MY BLOG AND QUIT PICKIN ON ME!! Rag on somebody ur own size.. dufus!! wasnt it enough being traumatised when I was young :-( look at that rapscallion sayed and what he left behind.. I DONT EVEN KNOW THE ANONYMOUS MORON!!! and btw mr zulfi (sayed) whoever you are.. turn around and kick ur own ass.. Im in my lazy mode today so BUGGER OFF.. (my blog really aint bs is it? :-( i need comfort here.. the writer in me is slowly fading away in to- nothingness.. gone.. dissipatated.. finito.. khallas :-( )

bye bye world :-(

So I am en route back home to take a flight the very next day and what do I see? Airport and aircraft full of magazine cut-outs!! Perfectly manicured nails, pre-arranged fantastic combination of outfits and the latest Louis Vitton bag with of course the "devil"ish prada shoes.. "Fait accompli" that it would be one of my fantastic days when the girls couldn't pretty me up due to emergency and sans make-up I looked pretty rather plain jane.. The IFS (In Flight Supervisor) glanced at me about a million times - a Captain's wife? you don't even have the last name.. Goddammit you old fat rotundous moron look at my son's boarding pass.. WHAT DOES IT SAY YOU BLIND BAT!!!

Tomorrow he may see me again and he's gonna be blown away.. I'm gonna have my aldo shoes (whats prada?) express jeans (whats diesel?) tommy tee (whats christian dior?) and matt n nicole bag (whats aigner?) and Im gonna have perfectly manicured (albeit short short) nails and make up (albeit smudged cossa my baby who gets antsy when he sees colors on my face) and attitude (although displaced trying to struggle with the pram/diaper bag/ purse/trolley bag AND the son!!) Was that just a feel-good thing or did I diss myself to the bone? I NEED MY CHAUFFEUR + BUTLER + SECRETARY whilst I travel.. Timzu where are you my love? :-(

Wish me luck cos my Indian-ness is gleaming to the core currently.. I have like a 110 kgs I can carry and Im still short about 10 kgs.. Go figure.. But in my own defence, its all cossa the big white elephant I call ze hubby.. I carrying ze Indian foods for him which transpire to lassis and mathris and chutneys galore.. Lord have mercy but its a 100 kgs!!! I just need some space for my trench coat :-( Whats with us and beggin for free luggage allowance anyway? Im gonna defy the rule and bypass the nicely put in comments by ze friends to allow ze excess baggage.. IM GONNA PAY FOR IT!!! I dont want no free lunches.. Oh who the hell am I kidding.. Id rather get a guerlain powdered kohl for the money I WONT pay for excess!!! To hell with the good samaritan shiets.. I give free lunches to at least a kid on the road each day and thats all the 'my bit' I am gonna do.. I aint no Preity Zinta or Pamela Anderson..

Im just Perfectly Santu!!!

"Bollocks!!"

So I guess my cousin was right when he exclamated to the point of audio dysfunction (on my part of course) that India is inhabitable and his 2 yr old would fall desperately ill in a land of (perverse adjectives used here which you are at liberty to inject).

The Dad was doin his lil thing of shufflin himself between countries and metro's as usual recently and suddenly the 3 month old viral which seemed to be playin a cat n mouse game with him grew into s'thing that made his system collapse.. The dude thinks he is is Superman at a ripe old age of 65 and doesn't think it important enough to inform family.. Lo n behold he lands up at the most hated of all joints - HOSPITAL!!!!! The formaldehyde could give me a heart attack if not all the cheese that I manage to consume (Ze hub thinks I consume cheese enough for a small continent :-( ) So off gets tossed the well laid travel plans and get a zoom in ze arse and I ze one that seems to use air travel as local commute hop on to an aircraft and reach ze boss-man.. The minute I land I am greeted with ze secretary's secretary (I know I still chuckle at the sound of this job title ;-) ) and the man-friday with the driver.. They inform me of the dilapidated state and there I see my Great Wall of China in a state I don't recognize.. Surely, my eyes couldn't have started blurring at such an awkward moment in time.. But I wasn't wearing my spectacles maybe that was it..

I felt the face and the hands with my bare palms.. They didn't even turn pinkish slightly and the face was gaunt.. I hate realities especially hard-hitting ones.. I was informed - dengue combined with excessive fatigue from over-exertion.. I was told low platelet count.. I was briefed in a hush hush manner the temper swings, the lack of conversation and the 5 minutes of monologue was all the speak that was uttered as the day elapsed.. Not good not good.. Strange people, strange things, strange environment.. I wanted mom.. I wanted home.. I wanted to be the weaker one and have things fixed magically like the tooth fairy giving me money for a damned broken tooth..

Goddammit where are all the magical creatures when you need one? I think the world should be a Harry Potterish place where goblins exist side by side with one toothed witches and wizards.. And the genie with his magic carpet can zoom me off anywhere..

Yes I was slightly schizophrenic and now they've entered majorly delusional into my medical chart too.. Yeay what fun!! Dontcha think so?

There is only one difference between a madman and me.

The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad. - Dali

I went for Salvador Dali's exhibition about some 2 1/2 yrs ago in London.. Thats when I was first introduced silently to this genius.. This tunnel built like as if I was about to enter a planetarium - stars glowing from a dark tunnel with dali'isms posted in every nook and cranny.. Cold humor, nihilistic self-pride, I fell in love at first read.. As I entered I let his world take over my sense of thought - his sartorial sardonicism, his callousness almost reminded me of Jack Astor, and suddenly he'd bring in after all the wit and glee a glimpse of his ardent love and passion.. A whirlwind of romance and I could imagine his ladylove's patience running in and drying out but always being enticed by this man whose heart was laid bare in his work of many forms (sculpture, furniture, brushwork etc) and various glimpses..

I was exposed to Svengali earlier but I met him in person only recently.. Oh, how he reels me in and keeps me coming back for more despite knowing he is worse than Rip Van Winkle with a flute.. An educated pompous egoistic woman like me falling for his hypnotic wiles and for no substantial gain in return? My father would accuse me of learning nothing having grown up around businessmen throughout.. My mother would say I was an insult to her race.. My brother would just slap me silly and say - "the apparent text discoursed above is that it furthers someone to use their innate senses to SHOOT THEIR BRAINS OUT!"

I am aghast at my stupidity (shut up only I reserve the right to commend on the status of the functionings of my brain power!!) I pack in 2 round soft bulbous fresh kesari mawedar gulab jamuns into the micro and chug one down instantly.. What comes out is a gasp with the maa, behen gaalis galore (I had silly's ears plugged don't worry junta) and I find blisters in my chest and lungs (I felt like a chain smoker!!!!) I woke up the next morning with a stone in my throat and a lover of food like me has been starving 2 days since.. DAMNED GULAB JAMUNS!!! Went to check with the doctor about the discomfort and the baldy prescribes antacids, anesthetics (that tastes like milk of magnesia yuck!!!), anti histamines and some mucous generating pills.. YEAY MORE MEDS!!!! life doesnt get any more swell :-/ I should've married someone who owned a drug company.. I'd be responsible for half their revenue or at least my Doc would ensure they'd never not make a profit (double negative!! my prof would've kicked my ass in uni for this BUT I have a degree now and who the hell needs her opinion anyway - frustrated lipstick lesbian!!).. And just for the record, the Doc's name also starts with an 'S' if you've been keeping a track..

Lastly my son announces to me (What? You don't remember his name? Are you joking? Its just about mentioned in every post you dafod!! It starts with an 'S' too!! dough?!) kindly that too - "Prince of Egypt" is *rotten*.. Rotten coming from a 2 yr old is horrifying!! And that too about a Disney cartoon!!! I had to beg to watch toons as a child especially non tv, rented ones and this one makes sure I know its not of his taste.. He picks out his Bart Simpson boxers as 'pants' and decides thats what he has to wear to school today else he won't move an inch.. He points out to the 'Bournvita' and says thats the only way he will gulp down the milk and susu is something you can't do in the bathroom and can be done only like a dog in some corner of the house.. He hates his regular jockeys and likes the "big boy" ones with the entrapment to yank out his substance.. And he's 2 folks!! Am I raising a brat or a superstar? Only time shall tell and please note I said *time* shall tell so you may shove your opinions back to your spouses who are sick of it anyway cos I honestly don't have the damned bloody time to procure to your ways of raising my kid right!!!! Im scared of Social Services and I dont need any more monsters lurking in the vicinity or ballpark of my conscience!!

Thank you and Good night youall's..

Here I am - this is me

Uh huh.. the title of this post is borrowed - courtesy Spirit the stallion and Bryan Adams..

They say the best things in life come free and I am beginnin to believe there is an element of truth in that statement.. The day of my reception to my beau my brother gives me a cartloada gifts (if you knew him you'd know he spoils me rotten) and in that treasure trove was this cd marked with humorous inane phrases - "no name brand".. On playing the cd once the entire brouhaha was over, I learnt that he had recorded a single music file.. Here I am - Bryan Adams.. How apt.. How significant and how simple.. How sweet.. Yes all those adjectives come to mind but more so the cliche of finally having arrived and achieved was felt..

The entire time the preparations and events were taking place, I didn't have time to digest that after an odd dozen years my man and me were finally together.. I was revelling in the attention showered (his family of over a 100 staring at every move!!! and my brother holding me tight and close to keep me from shivering with the attention and clouds of smokes being blown up by the DJ) I was enjoying, dancing, beaming, falling in love all over again over Shania Twain and Celine Dion singing their ballads - never once letting my eyes falter from his gaze.. Yes it was a fairy tale wedding.. My father, brother, father in law and husband.. All responsible for making it the most momentous of my life..

I was just thinking about that today when my own lil bairn was watching the animation - Spirit.. The song came alive all over again.. And I was here sitting and trying to complete my things to do list when it came on.. I was distracted but not rudely from which employee deserves to be treated kindly (its the end of the month you dafods!! paytime ;-) ) and which tailor has what of who in the family.. Not to mention what I have to pack yet for my upcoming journey.. yes there's a reason I use the word journey not trip.. Its gonna be a long sojourn - a homage to the homeland and one's pride..

My oft-repeated tales of my love affair is to insinuate happiness exists in many deprecated ways despite the best thoughts.. In all my whiny sessions there exists a hint of nay not rosy paths but roads well traversed and made smooth by periodic stints of walking on and over.. Yes I dream of another life, another time and I compare the grass being green yonder because its innate to compare the quality of fodder available (ghar ka murga dal barabar :P) but in the end marriage does not define me.. My being a woman - a woman always in love with love - defines me..