"..to the left" - beyonce, irreplaceable

Im not trying to be cute and child"ish" but luffer is an actual frikkin word!! Dont believe me? Well look it up..

I'll be honest.. I've had a few.. If you've kept a track then the numero uno 'luffer' is/was Abhishek Bachchan.. Honestly, I wouldn't know the man from adams but when I first heard about his engagement I felt a sense of loss.. Like something inside me died.. And if you knew me, you'd know I ain't a die hard romantic.. I ain't one of those crazy fans who swoons and drops unconscious.. Im very bloody normal.. But still - I felt bad.. Horrible horrible inside.. And I was in this zone for a while and I had no idea how to snap back to reality.. Jeesh I mean I kept tellin myself seriously - babe the hell's wrong with you? And I realised that this virtual stranger was someone who had turned real for me in my own little universe.. Really how do you classify a stranger? Someone you don't know but you've seen or heard or spoken with even briefly? How is it that you expend so much time knowing this one person that they still seem to be termed as a 'stranger'? How is it possible? Logical? Paradoxical!

When you get married and you vow that this is the one person you are gonna love n lust for, for the rest of your lifetime do you ever believe that even for a brief moment you could be breaking your vow unintentionally? I mean my thing with the 'luffer' came to a point where amzi actually allowed me the one indiscretion if the opportunity ever came about.. THATS FRIKKIN INSANE!! Would I have ever used his 'permission' to my advantage? Never! But I'll bet you a million bucks - I'd have traversed in the area a few million times before I finally decided to walk away.. I aint Gandhi or considering how he never acted on his impulses despite laying with temptations mebbe I am!! C'mon junta!! Bow to me ;-)

I like to not clear up issues.. I like to have them buried.. I like to not have to deal with ugly truths.. I like pretension.. I had this friend 'A' who just couldn't get this idea.. Forever being a certain way of dragging things through the entire journey.. Continually voicing the same theories and ideas till tears of boredom would stream down my face.. But I learnt to deal with it.. I actually started doing the tit for tat thing.. I actually started pulling the blame game.. I changed for timzi.. Now I was changing again? I mean really!! Who the ^&*% is Santu anymore? And I tried pulling back which was great news!! Breather - at last no more change.. I could be this pompous egoistic narcissistic ass without being continually reminded.. But something happened along the way.. This nitemare called 'A' actually turned to a dream.. I mean how do u get rid of leeches stuck to your chest who are sucking out the bad blood in your streams but sucking the blood outta you nonetheless? When do you actually sit down and tell yourself that all those junk forwards of loving your friend for who they are is utter shit (lets be real) and still love them anyway?

Its hard to break habit but dont people always break bad habits? I mean I quit scratching my crotch in public a few years ago but that was a bad habit.. Why would you break the habit of a morning routine? Email and chai before the weight of the day drains you.. Perfect way to start the day.. But I guess I have the 'keedas' so Im breaking habits.. Its back to Bombay Times n After Hrs with coffee in the morning.. Its back to keeping everyone blocked except 5 ppl on my msn list.. Back to no drama, lack of invigoration, denial of fervor, and tempestual trauma.. Instead whats in is the calm, cool and collected me - putting on this cheesy display of being feline n bitchy to appear non mushy.. Know why? Cos I HATE mushy.. But di - I CAN DO MUSHY!! remember how I used to ruin your perfect songs and then write you poetry? Don't make me make you eat your words darlin ;-) Its time for the old reinvented me - formal clothes and no tracks or capris, loads of eyeliner and no subtle hints of shadow, perfume layering all the way and no basics of just deo.. Its back to me rolling my window and doling advice to smokers at a stop light to think of their health.. Back to pissin the shitlights of the goodlookin' guy who smokes in my son's school corridoor.. Im leaving behind my childlike amiable zany self and am gonna turn into this snotty, shrewd, constantly sarcastic, silent until spoken to soul..

'A' - my blame game ends here.. You are to blame.. And as punishment I'd love to leave your phone number to all the ones who're gonna suffer the price at the cost of my sanity due to the mere existence of you.. I leave you with my blessings.. You'll need them when my 'inner circle' comes looking for you to de-glam me!! I will miss the rogue spirit of you.. Goodbye n God bless..