Grrrl Power

I was viewing the old episodes of Rendezvous with Ms Garewal and I caught up on the Aishwarya Rai one.. I must have mentioned several times my dislike and disdain towards the sculpted beauty.. But this interview changed my mind.. Non-confrontational kept brimming on the ebb of my mind.. Rarefied the form, lucid in verse and in dignity.. And I had to stop and re-evaluate what I opined of her..

This weekend we went for a soiree to do with Timzi's bud.. And I met this enigmatic charismatic woman yet again who always manages to turn me on.. Every time I chance upon seeing this lady Im stunned at how loud and crass I feel in comparison to her soft exuberant smile and soft voice echoing in my ears moments after her departure.. I've always felt I carry myself with a certain amount of haughty pride but classy nonetheless.. And then Im exposed to this example of love and romance doesnt die after years of knowing each other and raising a child and home.. This lady and her man are evidence that the hand in hand and the head on the shoulder bit aren't common courtesies a couple extend to each other.. They are moments of joy they revel in being in each other's company.. Till I meet them my life is complete and my journey back after viewing their sight makes me feel and want more.. To try harder to achieve the impossible of not washing dirty linen in public.. To always have an esoteric smile for the other.. Hard feats to accomplish I tell you..

The other day I was with my neighbour.. She's a woman of the corporate world who has never taken a break and single-handedly manages to run a household and raise a son of 17 yrs and break norms of being a perfect daughter, daughter-in-law and wife.. She kept me in splits with her daily dosages of nuances and labellings between her son and her.. I remembered my growing up years with Ma.. Children with mothers who form their best friends always emerge stronger in confidence.. Ask me - I am over-confident and its YOUR fault Ma :P But the over-indulgence does really make a difference.. The only problem arises when the mother starts feeling like being treated like a mother with due respect after watching a YashRaj/Karan Johar movie talking about parampara till you can barf paramprik creed..

Jaya Bachchan whilst accepting her Lifetime Achievement Award (please someone ban this pieces of shit award that steer you towards giving up the part of your career where you are stress free) spoke better than any Ambassador who would love to evoke emotions and yet strive to be diplomatic.. I rue the life she has had to lead from whatever I have read but yet this lady is known for what she does without being over-shadowed by the Bachchan parivar name or flagship.. To carry the weight of life with such "humble" expression - I was bowled over by the modesty.. Small packages are indeed bombs full of aplomb..

Strong beautiful women who hold their head up in pride but not high enough to be a minx and not low enough to be a crouching mouse.. Just rock steady to hold ground on their own.. Moving with grace and ambiguity yet maintaining a modicum of candor in their thoughts without the effervescent need to gurgle them out instead maintaining to eschew their many many dollars worth.. Yes, when I grow up (stop laughing amzu timzi :( ) I wanna be like them but till then I can always be the brat that I am yes?

Grrrl Power - Read up more on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_Power

idee fixe

i carry you with me

wherever i go

i carry you here

at the end of my sleeve

i carry you there

so i can have you in my palm

i carry you as sediment
should've long gone deposited
i carry you as a draft
favonian breezes tuggin..

i carry you as a spur of evanescent moments
i carry you as an imprecation
i carry you from the dead like a rising phoenix
i carry you despite your will
alea jacta est?
no dice my love, no dice..

"..to the left" - beyonce, irreplaceable

Im not trying to be cute and child"ish" but luffer is an actual frikkin word!! Dont believe me? Well look it up..

I'll be honest.. I've had a few.. If you've kept a track then the numero uno 'luffer' is/was Abhishek Bachchan.. Honestly, I wouldn't know the man from adams but when I first heard about his engagement I felt a sense of loss.. Like something inside me died.. And if you knew me, you'd know I ain't a die hard romantic.. I ain't one of those crazy fans who swoons and drops unconscious.. Im very bloody normal.. But still - I felt bad.. Horrible horrible inside.. And I was in this zone for a while and I had no idea how to snap back to reality.. Jeesh I mean I kept tellin myself seriously - babe the hell's wrong with you? And I realised that this virtual stranger was someone who had turned real for me in my own little universe.. Really how do you classify a stranger? Someone you don't know but you've seen or heard or spoken with even briefly? How is it that you expend so much time knowing this one person that they still seem to be termed as a 'stranger'? How is it possible? Logical? Paradoxical!

When you get married and you vow that this is the one person you are gonna love n lust for, for the rest of your lifetime do you ever believe that even for a brief moment you could be breaking your vow unintentionally? I mean my thing with the 'luffer' came to a point where amzi actually allowed me the one indiscretion if the opportunity ever came about.. THATS FRIKKIN INSANE!! Would I have ever used his 'permission' to my advantage? Never! But I'll bet you a million bucks - I'd have traversed in the area a few million times before I finally decided to walk away.. I aint Gandhi or considering how he never acted on his impulses despite laying with temptations mebbe I am!! C'mon junta!! Bow to me ;-)

I like to not clear up issues.. I like to have them buried.. I like to not have to deal with ugly truths.. I like pretension.. I had this friend 'A' who just couldn't get this idea.. Forever being a certain way of dragging things through the entire journey.. Continually voicing the same theories and ideas till tears of boredom would stream down my face.. But I learnt to deal with it.. I actually started doing the tit for tat thing.. I actually started pulling the blame game.. I changed for timzi.. Now I was changing again? I mean really!! Who the ^&*% is Santu anymore? And I tried pulling back which was great news!! Breather - at last no more change.. I could be this pompous egoistic narcissistic ass without being continually reminded.. But something happened along the way.. This nitemare called 'A' actually turned to a dream.. I mean how do u get rid of leeches stuck to your chest who are sucking out the bad blood in your streams but sucking the blood outta you nonetheless? When do you actually sit down and tell yourself that all those junk forwards of loving your friend for who they are is utter shit (lets be real) and still love them anyway?

Its hard to break habit but dont people always break bad habits? I mean I quit scratching my crotch in public a few years ago but that was a bad habit.. Why would you break the habit of a morning routine? Email and chai before the weight of the day drains you.. Perfect way to start the day.. But I guess I have the 'keedas' so Im breaking habits.. Its back to Bombay Times n After Hrs with coffee in the morning.. Its back to keeping everyone blocked except 5 ppl on my msn list.. Back to no drama, lack of invigoration, denial of fervor, and tempestual trauma.. Instead whats in is the calm, cool and collected me - putting on this cheesy display of being feline n bitchy to appear non mushy.. Know why? Cos I HATE mushy.. But di - I CAN DO MUSHY!! remember how I used to ruin your perfect songs and then write you poetry? Don't make me make you eat your words darlin ;-) Its time for the old reinvented me - formal clothes and no tracks or capris, loads of eyeliner and no subtle hints of shadow, perfume layering all the way and no basics of just deo.. Its back to me rolling my window and doling advice to smokers at a stop light to think of their health.. Back to pissin the shitlights of the goodlookin' guy who smokes in my son's school corridoor.. Im leaving behind my childlike amiable zany self and am gonna turn into this snotty, shrewd, constantly sarcastic, silent until spoken to soul..

'A' - my blame game ends here.. You are to blame.. And as punishment I'd love to leave your phone number to all the ones who're gonna suffer the price at the cost of my sanity due to the mere existence of you.. I leave you with my blessings.. You'll need them when my 'inner circle' comes looking for you to de-glam me!! I will miss the rogue spirit of you.. Goodbye n God bless..

Mumbai Nagariya!!

Goddamnit!!

You take antibiotics for a stomach virus and its s'posed to take care of the throat infection.. But guess what? She lied!!

You pay through the nasal membranes of your nostrils for the D&G fabric to be tailored by this huge men's boutique and you expect it to look smashing.. But guess what? The black pinstripe on my 6 footer looked worse than my constipated excreta..

You get the best they got for your Internet connection and they somehow manage to have the connection break every 2 minutes which makes downloading mp3's worse than delivering babies.. Worse - when they try givin people new connections, they go out of their way and manage to screw your existing phone connection thereby the Internet goin all whoozy again..

You go to this so-called "5" star hotel into their swanky restaurant.. You specify less oil and less spices.. You'd think they'd get it.. Nope.. Instead you get finely cut green chillies as garnish on a layer full of floating oil and a fried red chilli on top of it. Fan-bloody-tastic.. There goes the unjinxed phase of the colon again.. This time it didnt even reach the "5" day mark..

You drive at 20kph on a normal road in Mumbai just minding your bees-wax and this moron comes slamming right into you.. He gives you his license when you ask for it but when you ask for the insurance papers he scrams.. I mean hey wtf? You go to the cop place and they take 2 hrs to write down your complaint as if you're the wronger not the wronged.. And 10 days later when *you* the wronged go to inquire *you* are informed he is a poor dude from a poor family.. What would you like to have done once he is back in town.. YOU FRIKKIN JOKIN ME SUB INSP $%^&*!! Id like to slap him silly so the next time I sit in my little Zen I don't feel so unprotected.. Id like him to apologise at the least for chewing his tobacco when he was talking to me in arrogance.. Id like to ram a pole up his ripped rear end and plastered there for eternity..

You go to pay your phone bill like good people do.. 2 days before the due date.. But they make you regret that too.. There's just one counter to take care of the 1 lakh+ numbers of this company.. Makes you feel like paying that extra Rs 5 as late fee and not having to stand in this frikkin line and doin it post the due date.

I have more cos I have been having a great day cant you tell? But I'll leave the rest for later.. Need more Oflox for the throat stupid piece of pharmaceutical crap!!

Rebirth - Indian my identity..

Impassioned, I thought I had verbalised all and sundry of my arena to make it public domain and I began to lose coherence when I wanted to distinguish between the make believe and the factual.. And then as usual for the last two days, something inside my muscles started twitching - so many stories to tell, like a kitten I need to unwind the many balls of yarn that keep revolving in my small brain.. And mercurial that I am my decision changed in less than what seemed like a droplet in the paragon of time.. Incommunicado becomes my time when I drift away and not as a phase that I snap out of so I raise my Diet Pepsi today to the life I will put back into this anomaly of my life..

I've had a busy month - 2 weddings.. My cousin got married finally, Hallelujah - Praise the Lord in Kolhapur.. He is a sindhi and I thought this was gonna be one of those showy weddings but it was over populated with loads of amusement park space and no music but a few boring ice sculptures and food.. The other was Amzi's cousins wedding.. Amazing it was like a freakin fair.. Semi-nude performers gyrating to Bolly numbers, a few dozen screens across the stadium to broadcast feeds of the baraat, performers, stage view etc.. A children's blow up jumping castle, a cartoon bear, a clown, balloon-wala.. 40 stalls of chat, 100 mouth fresheners, 50 main courses.. A bigger array of non-alcoholic drinks.. J W Marriott menu's would be put to shame.. But mind you this was the wedding of the baniya class.. Is it me or are stereotypes changing? Im disillusioned as usual..

Silly is going into formal school this year.. My baby's growing up and I am getting worse with him.. Threatening to put him on the road if he doesnt start eating solids properly.. We fight for him to use his straw bottles and finally finally give up the "baby bottles".. I dont remember the last time we just spent a whole day amicably.. I hate being a parent, being the one having to do all this alone..

Timzi's a commander now.. He's flying like a maniac.. I miss his presence of not occupying the house.. He has gotten used to my whining and naggin about leaving his wardrobe a mess, wet towels on the bed, stealing Silly's bugs bunny toothpaste, wearing and extricating his socks and shoes next to the bed.. I've gotten used to the pictures he leaves behind once he excretes in the pot and forgets to flush and the inane long fone calls he is always on.. But Silly misses him more.. Time flies away so soon - I dont remember my baby as a baby.. I want a baby in my hands and home to replace the hollowness I feel..

The other day in the evening I felt like some old bolly songs.. But my collection of cd's was borrowed by my father in law.. So I was singing them and Amzu provided the backup whistlin vocals in between of flipping through his what seemed like 200 manuals.. Between the paaon chu lene do phoolon ko and the mera kuch samaan tumhaare paas pada hai I got lost in the time frame of the music and reached justju jiski thhi and realised the difference between the then Umrao Jaan and the newer one.. I really liked the new one too, the nuances, the twists, outfits, music everything.. Its just the comparison that killed it but on its own ground it was still a stupendous movie, my bias for Abhishek aside..

The Constant Gardener features Ralph Fiennes.. In a scene where he has to enact naked, raw emotion about a loved one's loss he doesn't start howling and wailing - instead he peers through a window in the door and stands there for hours as it seems.. The contortions start after the passage of the few hours into tiny grimaces and small tears rolling by not one after another but in small bursts.. Whimpering almost like Silly when he was slapped across the face for the first time.. A scar I will hold as the worst look on my child's face because of the folly of aught else.. Yes I'm protective of him.. I am his as he is mine and no one else can have an authoritative role in that.. I've had to make that abundantly clear.. My obsession is no longer shadowed and deep-rooted - its on a full on display..

Tomorrow is a new day - I'll make sure the sarcasm and the wit gets back to its normal state with a tinge of masala to make the exaggerations laughable, applaudable.. Humility thy name? Maybe - remember I am mercurial...

Hellllllllllp (the way the sloth says it in Ice Age)

Im a weirdo *gracious bows* I accept my title with great humility and with no sign of conceit in the vicinity.. Yes I can be humble (your sputum amzi is not far n few between anymore so u can stuff it babe - rrrrreeelly) and down to earth - traits I detest in normal human beings.. Why do I detest them - well I think confidence becomes a human.. Theres no room for insecurity there and that leads to lack of dependence on another being.. (Im resolving this in my head as Im spewing this garbage so pardon my sense of logic temporarily) Ive always been attracted to the silent unconventional sorts and I attribute this to the arrogance that stems from confidence lurking for the past so long.. I mean how else do you explain my attractive list of would-have-been's.. The only common factor in all of them is the erratic silence.. Maybe that's why I always seem to vent? Hmmm.. Yeah I over-compensate for the doomed quiet.. But then see what I go and do - I go and marry timzi.. Conventionally carved by the master sculpture a la Hrithik (a beautiful man), a social butterfly who mingles well with both his ilk and mine, a regurgitative nut who enthralls me with stupid jokes and takes the credit for my ideas ALWAYS!! A child-like demon who feels horrid when he sees sillytush's toys and isnt allowed to play with the 'monstah truck' :-)

Why so much speculation - well I spent 2 months away from my worse-half and I met him for about a week tops.. It suddenly dawned on me that I spend more time without him than with him.. We have a strange marriage.. And believe me its not a marriage of convenience!! He got me to India :-( The hell's convenient about living there only the Lord knows.. No I won't start on my woes of Bombay.. I'll have to go back from Emirates and the deal with the ridiculous garbage all over again at the beginning of the year.. Why meeeeee :-(

But seriously I hate "immitation is the best form of flattery".. I go out of my way to not imitate.. I go out of my way to be a recluse and create of my own no matter if it turns out to be utter garbage.. I hate using endearments others use, I hate using their 'takiya kalaams' or dialogues.. I hate buying from the same designer.. Hell I hate buying any clothing or jewelry from any designer.. I hate sashi lookin like one of the many and I hate to be a part of the mould.. But what I hate the most is being copied.. Its not flattery its stupidity.. I dont like stolen ideas and I hate mine being used and displayed to me as if it was their brainchild.. I hate stamping something with my imprint lest it takes away from the beauty but what I hate more is somebody else stampeding on it.. I hate a false cry of haughty stupor just because creativity is to a minimum.. I hate uninnovative ideas and words and I hate people with minds that do not grow.. I hate conversations that aren't entertaining and I hate confined insecure minds that delve into garbage to retaliate and compensate for their weakness..

I hate being possessive and worse - I hate being driven to be possessive.. Its an un-innate part of my nature and I loathe it.. Worse than I loathe humble and down to earth..

Yes - I have issues.. Im breathing in and out and counting sheep but right now I need to excrete a truckload with a Filmfare in hand so while bidding adios Id like to ask you what plans for the new yrs eve junta? Same ole drinkin dancin n be merry? Howd that be different.. Lets change the venue.. Lets go to the Ajanta Ellora caves!!

Cafe with moi - Declaration of Love

Coffee.. You can have it anytime, everytime, all the time or some of the time.. Just like the word "shit" it fits in anyhow anywhere..

Dude - I LOVE coffee!!

When I was working Id have about 10 cups of coffee a day and it was a sure fire way to reduce me to a la Kate Moss (I wish :-( the 'teaboy' used to make it too sugary n milky that sometimes I wondered if I was having a coffee dessert or actual coffee the beverage)

Well anyway this post is one in parts of the things I love.. Look I haven't asked you to come here and read my gibberish.. You chose to do so - so don't even let the thought cross your mind that I am self-centered.. At least I choose not to talk about you or your life and common sense prevails enough that I maintain your privacy so STOP barraging me about my outbursts!

But coming back to coffee - the pure love of it is so excruciatingly a part of untainted ecstasy.. In the emirates - a small cup of cava with the dates whilst smellin an array of perfumes could be a rescue away from mundane even if just briefly.. Back home in the land of canucks - its a medium of leveling, a morning breaker, a mood soother, a heart wrencher all in one.. In India - filter coffee is back to the roots.. Reminds you of childhood in the village vacations and everything attested to it.. Sweet tender moments and violent steamy thoughts all caused by - coffee.. An amazing drug, an amazing after meal companion.. Tom Hanks rightly prescribed the true meaning of Starbucks coffee in You have mail.. But I'll let you see the movie to discover what he said..

That reminds me about Godfather!! My dearest friend still hasnt read it or watched it.. Can you believe that? A turning point in our generation.. A bible almost and that's gonna be my next love - read it, watch it, feel it if you already haven't.. And if you have - well go through it all over again.. We all always take back so much from a cult that now unites us as humans after having been exposed to it..

Thus I have finished an entry with no rant.. YEE HAW - a normal entry.. I must be on prozac finally ;-)

Venus VS stupid MARS!!

i believe in never-never land with tinker bell and peter pan.. i honest to god do believe that ya'know?

but i dont believe in women are from a different planet and the chicken noodle soup or whatever else self help crap thats out there.. i am me i am ok and despite virginia wolff bein crazy and havin written that i still hold that as my own borrowed funda..

i miss the small pleasures of life.. the simple things like a hug or a kiss.. holding hands or crossing a road together.. opening doors or being courteous.. i miss those.. when you know a person in forever and u live with them forever you end up being told - baby this is fun for those who are in brand new.. but i want brand new relatively more often than once a decade and im sorry..

what am i rambling on about you ask? well i shall answer my loveys -

i miss when its not all about the humpa humpa and more about the look and the twinkle in the eye.. i miss the efforts made to move mountains earlier when now a few potential hours you could spend together seem like too much effort cos hey ill catch up with them in 5 days anyway.. whats the difference.. i miss when half or more the action was in the kiss instead of meandering on about the entire length of the body.. i miss the hand in the hair and the simple head resting on the shoulder.. those are things that are more important to me than trying out kamasutra position number 32 or whatever.. i dont care that i dont know what the latest term for rear ended fascination is.. if that makes me 'dull' and uncool so be it.. but i want to hold hands while driving and i want to nuzzle in the shower together.. i want to sleep in the nook of his arm and i want him spooning against me and falling to sleep.. oh and i want an 'i love u' as often as i can get it in a day so yes that does add up to at least one a day..

yes siree thats what i want and if i dont get enough of that then ill smother and mollycoddle sillytush to get all the lovin n huggin i can get cos he is STILL a baby and i will ALWAYS be his mom and nobody in this room can tell me im goin overboard!!

p.s: timzi - baby i lied about writing on the waterfall sequence.. you can unblush and get back to normal programming now ;-)

p.p.s: for those of you who do read my vented frustrations - next one is gonna be on annihilating the insect species and turnin into vegetarians so if it aint ur cuppa tea - SCRAM!! but if it does sound palatable come back n check in a week cos me bein' travellin' for a wee now.. hey you - scoot over i need room to relaxin like milkha singh:-(

Return to the *&%$^

ye kya hua
tere mere pyaar ki baatein
kyu duniya ki nazron mei aa gaiee
hayyyy...

this number keeps lulling through my head slowly driving me numb and insane till i have it on a repeat loop.. if you guys havent heard this please get it - its by partners in rhyme or dj aman.. b sings this so beautifully when he is concentrating working and its running in the background..

ima gonna see happy feet tomorrow!!!! they have some sortta baby expo so sillytush & i are both goin in free.. yeayyyyy.. anything on sale or free catches my attention.. and its one big thing timzi hates about me.. he says just cos its a sale price dunnit mean its free ya'know.. i get it i get it but the thrill of gettin s'thing at less than 50% of sticker price is such a turn on.. i love showin off my steals n deals to b.. he gets how i excited i am :-) i just make sure i tell amit - baby i liked it and i bought it and i dont bother telling him how it was such a deal cos he'd whoop my ass into shape :-( and muh mommy would support him cos she thinks i over-spend.. i do NOT!! (imma girl.. we need variety and things to keep lookin all prim n propah for the man ya'know)

we went for the parade over the weekend.. i love that about this city.. i love that they make it so kid friendly.. i love that they make things so special for the kids.. they had a parade with the mayor et all and all the different companies advertising with huge trucks movin on the downtown streets which was closed for 2 hrs.. i - the cleanliness freak - was sittin on the road sippin cocoa b made for me and sallikunti was sippin his.. b was holdin sanshu's pram.. and the firefighter came n spoke with silly and shook his hand.. gave him a gummi sour apple candy too.. sushy got a flag too which he called the canada flag and did the holding his hand to his heart - o canada - and waved it when the people tryin to promote us for the commonwealth games went by.. even now he takes his bigger gun and tries to twirl it like a baton cos he saw the cheerleaders do it.. b said that it looked like i had more fun takin a picture of the clown who ruffled sanshu's hair cos he was screamin so happily.. im gonna use that as a postcard when i cross the london airport to mail out to timzi.. i think its romantic and if u guys beg to differ you may continue to beg.. dunnit bother me much ya'know? ;-)

anyway - im depressed.. i dont wanna go back to the native 'motherland' :-( im gonna miss b and home and driving and tim horton's coffee!!! :-( please maintain a 1 minute period of silence to mourn the loss of clean air, good traffic signals and beautiful weather for me :-( thank you :-(

*disappearing in the smog of des*

1 to 2 for the very last few..

OK - I have a lotta girlfriends who form my 'inner circle' who I need to have married off and settled for my own peace of mind.. I have a couple of male friends too but this is the thing.. I refuse to call it anythin cheesy and rosy-eyed like shaadi.com, instead I'd like to name it inhell.com - which is really the way it should be.. SO who out of yo'll wanna be cofounders of this beautifully surreal (NOT) organization that helps my unwed friends discover what true un-bliss is all about? Help me!!!! 'Cos all the good boys seem to be married off with a string of affairs on the side or they've just turned into bad boys :-( Its quite ironical really cos before Timzi I had only male friends with a sparse population of females filtering in by the iotas.. And now I have only the Jurassic Park obstacle.. All females!!!!

I have this close friend who is a sister of a guy I once dated.. He was one of the only men who actually did the whole bended knees routine with the perfect set up - ocean view inside of an old fort, a picnic basket, him strumming the guitar with food he cooked for the two of us cos it was my birthday.. Soft toys, a scarf and a perfume and him poppin the question.. The others were quite useless with not enough half decent proposals but Timzi's took the cake.. An order issued - Marry me!! Not even a question that I got to answer after almost a year of incommunicado.. But that's not the point Im driving at.. Im just wondering how is it easy to let bygones be bygones?

How do you forget the first adrenalin rush of a new relationship developing.. The first time you hold hands in winter time with your mitten almost getting lost in the trudgeon of sludge on the road as he escorts you for your first dinner out on Valentines? How do you forget the way he carried you cos you didn't have shoes on - instead only bunny slippers - across the road to the drugstore in the middle of a snowstorm just so that he could make up to you by feeding you icecream in the middle of the night.. How do you forget the handmade card he perfectly created for you of Calvin with a chart of rising scales of economy and everything pertaining to you - it looked so perfect you actually that it was store bought.. How do you forget him surprising you by suddenly landing up on your doorstep from the other side of the country, discovering the way to your home simply by etching out his heartbeats when he was there a few years ago.. How do you forget a different form of romance by him sending across a trashcan full of goodies - snacks and savories via courier from a city he moved to, to be closer to you.. How do you forget the bouquet of an array of Lindtt chocolates with a coffee mug for a huge cafe au lait to remind u of your first coffee date.. How do you forget the painting he made with his own hands of you holding winnie the pooh's hand, where pooh was customized with a cowboy hat to signify it was him and his love of country music.. How do you forget the single rose he waited to give you after you finished work at 9pm just because you were being an adamant ass about something that was unimportant anyway.. How do you forget his rebellious attitude when he plastered your pictures all across his room despite his parents disapproval.. How do you forget the kiss on the forehead when he was practicing his hoops or even him remembering each day to get you your quota of lemon and sour green apple jolly ranchers.. How do you forget him making mithai for you and couriering your birthday gift a little too late just because he wanted to get the recipe right.. How do you forget the drive that drove u mad inside sending you butterflies in your stomach of wondering - what have I done - when he flew you down the spiraling roads and Lion's gateway to heaven.. How do you forget the kayaking and the walk in the park and him aching to be near you and you teasing him along.. How do you forget the insane 2 hour fone calls to catch up on the mundane details of the day.. How do you forget the obsession oh him seeing you with your hair down that you even forgot how to wear scrunchies any longer.. How do you forget the sound a guitar makes when its strummed to dull the pain of your heart race because thats what you connect him with.. How do you forget the first bouquet of your favorite flowers in white and blue arrive on your doorstep anonymously.. How do you forget the perfect Christmas greeting made in flash customized entirely for you by a guy who stood no chance of a future with you and knew it.. How do you forget the concerned phone call when you are with aught else just to make sure you are in the best state you possibly can be cos its your choice.. How do you forget the sound of his voice at 3 am when you call him out of the blue from some Godforsaken airport across the world just because.. How do you forget - the hidden lovers, the eulogy of a relationship, the aftermath of what seemed like a lifetime of togetherness..

How do you become - insensitive..

c0c0L0c0 - CRAZY, just plain CRAZY!

Jann Arden Insensitive.. Ama-frikkin-zing.. 'nuff said..

On a more amusing note state of current affairs are as so -

I saw this guy in the frootique - d shiznit!! Lord have mercy but this Mediterranean boy looked like as if he was outta catalogue of - God has paid personal attention - smooth beautiful silky skin.. no sign of stubble.. small little tuft of hair below his bottom lip and curly sortta auburn hair.. broad shouldered.. 5 10ish with deep set greenish brown eyes that lit up when he was askin the dude to add in the different elements into his salad bowl.. Long fingers with perfectly filed nails and a beautifully chiseled nose..

I was standing in line right behind him with a friend and Saleesh.. I couldn't help but stare and I was constantly reminded not to.. And the nut of the dude on the counter started his flirting routine right there - asking me out for halloween and I pointed to Sallitot.. He said they needed a midget with a white sheet to play Casper the friendly Ghost and if I had any more excuses that he needed to defy.. I had to give him the - are you outta your bitter red cabbage mind you freak of nature - look..

And then Salil happened to have a sore throat so I took him to the friendly next door neighbor Doc.. And there was this college footballer - a true blue eyed blond hair jock - God!!! Ben Affleck kindda lookin ya'know? And Timzi looks like Benny dearest or the desi version Akshay Kumar.. Actually he looks better than both of them!! And considerin' he's all the way away in Europe and I haven't seen muh man in a month and some more I was melting on the spot.. I became a woman from a mother to a teenager with butterflies and weird giggles.. God just gifts these people and troubles me by making me wanna stare and be imprisoned for indecent exposure (by my eyes of those gorgeous folk.. what the hell were you thinkin you perv?!) or maybe even lewd behavior..

Timzi please make yourself available constantly.. Dont wanna stray on you with someone who looks just like you.. That'd be painful punishment for useless garbage :-(

You see back in the native homeland -India - I don't drive.. I have a driver cos of the insane way people drive.. NYC seems so much more sensible with its perpendicular streets and avenues and the mayhem at LHR airport seems like childs play in comparison.. So I catch up for the lack of it when Im home here in the land of Canucks.. And thus starts this story of subwoofing.. My little sweety baby sits behind and dances away to the music while I have my windows rolled down, shades on, sunroof open, and music blaring.. I have no idea where this little babboon picks up his moves but believe you me he teaches me a step or two.. And I simply swerve the steering with the one hand not botherin with the next door car and the dude who picks his nose or scratches his balls.. I look on straight with no expression as wisps and wasps of my hair fly by me and I dont even notice the woman in the car on the right doing her make up and lickin her scab on the arm off.. I "subwoof" at traffic lights and fail to pay attention to friends zippin by wavin their arms and legs out.. I drive without heed and without care.. I zip through lanes and flirt my way out of parking/speeding tickets.. Sometimes I drive when Saleesh is asleep behind just to watch the frosted icicles on the bare trees refract or even to zoom past by this road where the trees converge on from either sides in their beautiful yellowy red maple leaves.. I drive because some of my best memories are in the car..

One of my fave car songs is Massari - be easy.. As soon as he says Dom Perignon Sil does this little curvy move.. Anyway, B has a shitloada his music which he is bored of now and I was introduced to him by aught else who is the slavelord of all sortsa music.. I think sometimes its all the sights and sounds he introduces me to that I just crumble and fall as a slave to his charm and lure and spend all my energy.. You guys may know him as the Tommy Hilfiger boutique - the clothes are divine (thus the sights?) and the music they play there is so groovalicious you wouldn't need to visit a club to shake your bon-bon ;-) But this better be the end of this insane entry to diary dearest 'cos I think I'm goin totally off track..

Word out (Peace out u nutjobs..)

Drabness Extremioso

Sooooo... the long weekend is just over.. Doano when it began and when it ended but I had a fantastic time.. We went for a little excursion and didn't get as much of a chance to explore the city but we sure as hell had fun in the train!! Yeap Sanshu (the baby?!) wanted to go on a choo choo train and there was no way he was taking the local trains in Bombay and I sure as hell cannot afford the Deccan Odyssey or Palace on Wheels or so says Amzi Timzi.. Soooo we went on the train here.. and Im tellin you folks it was very bloody fantastic.. A pain in the ass considering how long it takes but with the nice comfy seats with loadsa leg room and a lounge car for kiddie movies (Salli was watchin Over the Hedge and I was readin Amir Ali!) and a dining car where you can enjoy the natural beauty (without having to smell horse poop - Yeay!!) - Im tellin you - simply friggin amazin!!

So anyway I had a *lot* of time and I mean loadsa time so I was charting out the basic tenets I go by in my life.. You see Im a pretty easy going person (dont ask the friends and relatives - they are temporarily deranged) so no codes of conduct I go by except I hate lying.. Honest to God I do.. Its just that the people in my life compel me to do so like for instance these would be the obvious lies despite which these very same people ask me the very same questions and force me I mean push me into lying man :-(

Pop: You have a cold, don't you? Do you want me to take the next flight out? I'll take care of you!! You have a cough!!!
Me: (Jeez Dad relax.. I aint dyin!!) Dad you're getting old relax.. You're hearing things.. I just got done yelling at Salikuntin..

Mom: You're out shopping for clothes again aren't you? Why do you wanna burn money on clothes.. Look at your overflowing wardrobes!!
Me: (At least I dont hold onto things that are 30 freakin years old!! Big brothers and sisters are on my speed dial) Moo when's the last time you saw me in something new? Im just getting stuff for Timzi's family..

Timzi: You were staring at the biker!! I saw you - you think he's all that and then some don't you?
Me: (I have eyes you know - cant become blind when the peripheral view is outta this world!!) You moron.. I was looking at your face turning into a curvy smile with that little crevice around your lower lip.. Its so adorable and cute *kiss kiss*

B: Did you call XYZ and get your work done?
Me: (We have been through this for years.. Get a clue mr. blue!!) Of course I did.. I returned their call but reached the voicemail so left a message..
The above btw is the biggest joke in our family :-(

A close friend: You have changed!! Earlier you wouldn't as much as contemplate about their lack of existence and now you're actually speaking to that mad woman despite everything?
Me: (I hate doing it in any case.. quit reminding me fool :( ) Nawhh I just had to do that for Timzi's sake ya'know? Comes under the protective clause of 'family friends'

Dee: Please please please say that this is acceptable.. I simply fell in love with it for Silly..
Me: (Dude you gotta be joking.. Just gave me a flash of my maternal ancestors in their jazzy out there apparel.. you gotta be kidding me!!) Of course it is.. It's just that Timzi might think its a bit over the top ya'know?

Anyway you all get the basic gist of it.. Coming to tastes and preferences I was recently enlightened by a close quarter and a not so close counterpart that my 'signature' style is "dull".. Me? Dull? Hello have you not known me at all? B says he has to change my style and gets me this aubergine satin shirt to try on - I mean really I don't need to be rescued from the North Pole that I need to stand out with this color ya'know? (It looked pretty on me but I just couldn't handle the color) I tried to reach a sense of middle ground and told him to get me blue, brown, gray, black or white but aubergine? Violet? Oh God NO!!!!

Anyway I guess I am dull.. My home is dull.. My clothes are dull but my son loves me just the way I am.. My husband thinks Im a hottie (he needs to be away from me more often - its working wonders ;-) ) and my Dad thinks Im the prettiest baby in the universe so everybody else can just BITE ME!!

Mood for the day: mordantly parsing

I was chatterin and babblin away on long distance today with a friend of mine as if I owned the long distance carrier company.. I was nuts but strangely like the other alien nutzoids of the planet I was blitherin on about Saleesh's (thats my sons new nickname) first episode of trick a treating.. Now mind you I wanted to dress him up in a pink tutu, with butterfly wings, a magic wand (he would be a 'fairy' in this outfit dont you think?), a tiara and of course pink ballet flats but the chauvinism around me doesnt end :-( Timzi was beggin please don't scar our son and B just put his foot down.. Goddammit its a heavy foot OK? I don't have the guts to defy him.. Not yet anyway.. Have to develop resilience.. Cmon baby you can do it (Self-motivation reminds me that I need to become Deepak Chopra.. Shit man who pays for that kindda stuff? If you can make money doin' that Id be more infamous than Paris Hilton and own more money than Uncle Gates!!)

Anyyyyyway...

So sonshu (keep up this is *now* the new nick for my son!) had naptime comin up and was frustrated with the headgear of the Dino costume (he ended up wearin a hybrid of a blue dino costume with pink butterfly wings replete with the wand and tiara) and he wanted it off but when he saw his fellow accomplice with the princess meets wizard pink hat he calmed his dino tail down.. He said the appropriate thank you's between tryin to get his bag to open right and stowing away his wand whilst knockin on the door and scamperin behind my tush when he heard a dog bark.. And he also smiled effectively when he was called a dino or a dragon but worse dragonfly all the same.. Dude gimme the candy and get back to your programmin.. I got other houses to hit already.. Im 2 and I can't walk around this humangous block with your freakin palatial homes only so much ya'know? Nawh he's too pious and innocent to think that but hey, mebbe not cos one lady took so long that he had one look at the candy bowl which she had for viewing when she opened the door that he said "Aunty police hai" and scrammed when he heard the siren!!! I was stuck doin' the explainin that he had the fear of God with sirens (The "Police" and the "roach" are the only two things that I can use to emotionally blackmail to have him do what I want) I had to resign to the fact that the world at large will shortly start wonderin if we was criminals considerin this mornin when he saw an army dude in his commando (NOT COMMMANDO COMMANDO you perv!!!) uniform he again ran back towards the car away from the magic land of the grocery store screamin police hai police hai!!! Jeesh!!! Speakin of the cops - I wanted to voice out s'thin on a serious note today..

Albeit late I watched Lord of War today finally.. I have to be honest I missed the first bit which Im gonna make up for tomorrow but at the same time the length that I saw left me helpless wanting to do or feel something but not knowing what.. Like for some reason the cable channels like Sony and Zee constantly play the movie Nayak.. Its been 3 years but they still do it almost once every month but does it affect us in any manner to do anything? Its a good movie - and we walk out feeling nothing but letting the cold immunity we have surrounded ourselves with take over.. I used to be moved when I saw a hurt child, a handicapped old person on the street lights.. Today I turn my face when an older kid spanks the baby for it to cry so she can earn enough money whilst begging.. I turn my face when a boy of not more than 4 scrapes his foot on the sewer and is wailing cos God forbid I reach 2 mins late to pick up my own baby from playschool.. I turn my face when I feel horrid and I wonder how many of you still have it in you to at least be humane enough to feel horrid.. I know Timzi doesnt.. He has been exposed to this all his life.. It may as well be a bumped coke can on the road for all he cares.. He hardly even notices and this is the man who can shed tears because he misses me..

Lord of War.. I asked B what he felt and didn't it make him feel like punching something, someone? Didn't it make him feel contemplative? Something anything? I was fishing for a reaction and I got it - Im a helpless lone ranger.. What can I feel or do?

Yes the same Lord of War had a blaring punchline.. A punchline thats turned me on after years.. The 5 nations who rule the roost of selling arms are the 5 nations who have permanent places in the UN peace council..

Watch Lord of War if you haven't already but please - feel something.. It could be anything -

positive (Vitaly Orlov: [in Russian] Oh God! Yuri Orlov: [voice-over] Always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstasy. )

negative (Yuri Orlov: They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails.")

sarcastic (Angel: My name is Angel. Vitaly Orlov: Her name really is Angel! Let's put her on the Christmas tree!)

hilarious (Andre Baptiste Sr.: They say that I am the lord of war, but perhaps it is you. Yuri Orlov: I believe it's "warlord." Andre Baptiste Sr.: Thank you, but I prefer it my way.)

self help (Yuri Orlov: Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.)

heart wrenching (Ava Fontaine: I feel like all I've done my whole life is be pretty. I mean, all I've done is be born! I'm a failed actress, a failed artist... I'm not much good as a mother. Come to think of it, I'm not even that pretty anymore. I have failed at everything, Yuri... but I won't fail as a human being.)

keep it safe (Yuri Orlov: In the most AIDS-infested region of the globe - where 1 in 4 is infected - Andy's idea of a joke was to put a young Iman and a young Naomi in my bed - and no condom within a hundred miles. )

thought provoking (Jack Valentine: Do you know why I do what I do? I mean, there are more prestigeous assignments. Keeping track of nuclear arsenels - you'd thing that more critical to world security. But it's not. No, nine out of ten war victims today are killed with assault rifles and small arms - like yours. Those nuclear weapons sit in their silos. Your AK-47, that's the real weapon of mass destruction.)

infallible fatal truth (Yuri Orlov: The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I *do* rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of *your* enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil. )

but whatever it is just feel..

Declaration of WAR

Let history remain as a witness to the end of tyranny by *you* - Yes I no longer wish to submit to your will.. Its the end of your world as we know it so darling brace yourself!!

I forbid you to force me to go into my silent flighty mode - you need to be cordial with me at all times no matter how selfish this may seem. I return the favor (well most times anyway)..

I am non-confrontational but this does not mean you let millenia pass between us with unresolved issues festering at the brim.. I can don the hat of a snake with poison flowing with my tide.. Keep it ebbing at the bay is a job function in your job description..

I would love to kick your ass at least a 100 times a day considering how you enrage me.. Please make the desired goods available for the purpose of kicking as and when I desire..

I hate being misunderstood and you make it your job to do so continually!! I love you - that will not change.. It is etched in stone and that just goes to say I love everything about you (well lets not push luck and test the waters at this point).. So stop portraying things I say in a negative light..

I am the biggest proponent of 'quality time'.. If I find it being raided upon by others make sure you know you have to equip yourself to deal with a woman in full fury mode because I shall consider that I have been scorned!

I hate my privacy being encroached on.. By you or by reasons attested to you.. If I feel parts of me get to be in public domain without my assent or knowledge I will make sure you remain in a perpetual state of screwdom for the rest of my lifetime..

I don't like being told what to do.. I am a full fledged adult.. Just because I have cut my claws and tamed myself down don't fool yourself into thinking I have become docile.. I hate the ultra glorious delicate Eve.. I am a strong independent woman.. Treat me with the due respect before I concrete your upper orifice shut..

I hold the right to increase this list as my will may deem.. This is not the end of this battle.. I can and will badger you in the future.. Accept it graciously and let me win.. I still believe in chivalry?!

YES YES YES!!

shut up u nutjob!! that wasnt an orgasm of any order.. perverted soul!! you actually think Id indulge in *such* histrionics that too on my uncorrupted and beautifully virgin pure blog? Oh who the hell am I kidding?! YES IM IN LOVE AGAIN!!!

Im home..

and my family physician had to remind me its just been 4 months since I visited her last :-( Well I missed her too.. She used to write All Bran on her prescription note cos I was too constipated and she wanted me to fix my dietary habits.. Its another thing the cereal is 'speaking' volumes these days in my bowel activities but thats another story for another time ;-)

I went through London customs and anyone who has traveled through that WEIRD AS HELL city in the current times would understand my agony.. my liquid obsessed kid requires no sugar no preservative containin liquids cos moi disapproves of them.. so I gotsta carry em with me.. hey Im doin a good thing here and savin ze hub's money at the dentists!! protectin the bairn's teeth n all but oh lord have mercy.. I gotta taste that damn cucumber spinach fruit juice cos God forbid s'thin lurks deep within the green nasty shiets I make him consume!! and thats not even the worst of it.. they have one.. I mean uno, ek, wahed - SINGULAR - customs officer to check all the 'suspicious' baggage.. I mean hello? ur just abt the busiest airport in the world.. do you really think that one louch per xray machine is gonna suffice.. like what the hell do you charge me airport tax for (and their airport taxes seem like Im being anally had for and believe me I aint into *that* side of the nekkid games!!) so immigration takes an hour and going through scanning cabin garbage goes through another hour.. try doing that with a hyper active 2 yr old who has been sittin in 'papa plane' for almost a week every alternate day.. not pleasant eh? and you thought I was a whiny naggin house wife!!! I HAVE GOOD REASON TO BE A COMPLAINT WORT!!

any way I was saying Im home.. but in this whole while I was away things have changed so drastically.. Its a new condo by the waterfront with fantastic view but that also means its this humangous complex with a million doors.. Almost seems like a game to go to the gym or the waterfront for a walk.. The parking is mayhem and all the roads that led to home now lead to Rome.. Dudes - I dont stay here remember? Hello? Keep up already!!! New methods, new things - fantastic keeps life worth living but I need normal and mundane for a change :-( Yes - ME - who needs newness every second I breathe.. I need boring for a change.. please:-(

But thats another story for another day - right now Im just pissed off.. B - GET OFF MY BLOG AND QUIT PICKIN ON ME!! Rag on somebody ur own size.. dufus!! wasnt it enough being traumatised when I was young :-( look at that rapscallion sayed and what he left behind.. I DONT EVEN KNOW THE ANONYMOUS MORON!!! and btw mr zulfi (sayed) whoever you are.. turn around and kick ur own ass.. Im in my lazy mode today so BUGGER OFF.. (my blog really aint bs is it? :-( i need comfort here.. the writer in me is slowly fading away in to- nothingness.. gone.. dissipatated.. finito.. khallas :-( )

bye bye world :-(

So I am en route back home to take a flight the very next day and what do I see? Airport and aircraft full of magazine cut-outs!! Perfectly manicured nails, pre-arranged fantastic combination of outfits and the latest Louis Vitton bag with of course the "devil"ish prada shoes.. "Fait accompli" that it would be one of my fantastic days when the girls couldn't pretty me up due to emergency and sans make-up I looked pretty rather plain jane.. The IFS (In Flight Supervisor) glanced at me about a million times - a Captain's wife? you don't even have the last name.. Goddammit you old fat rotundous moron look at my son's boarding pass.. WHAT DOES IT SAY YOU BLIND BAT!!!

Tomorrow he may see me again and he's gonna be blown away.. I'm gonna have my aldo shoes (whats prada?) express jeans (whats diesel?) tommy tee (whats christian dior?) and matt n nicole bag (whats aigner?) and Im gonna have perfectly manicured (albeit short short) nails and make up (albeit smudged cossa my baby who gets antsy when he sees colors on my face) and attitude (although displaced trying to struggle with the pram/diaper bag/ purse/trolley bag AND the son!!) Was that just a feel-good thing or did I diss myself to the bone? I NEED MY CHAUFFEUR + BUTLER + SECRETARY whilst I travel.. Timzu where are you my love? :-(

Wish me luck cos my Indian-ness is gleaming to the core currently.. I have like a 110 kgs I can carry and Im still short about 10 kgs.. Go figure.. But in my own defence, its all cossa the big white elephant I call ze hubby.. I carrying ze Indian foods for him which transpire to lassis and mathris and chutneys galore.. Lord have mercy but its a 100 kgs!!! I just need some space for my trench coat :-( Whats with us and beggin for free luggage allowance anyway? Im gonna defy the rule and bypass the nicely put in comments by ze friends to allow ze excess baggage.. IM GONNA PAY FOR IT!!! I dont want no free lunches.. Oh who the hell am I kidding.. Id rather get a guerlain powdered kohl for the money I WONT pay for excess!!! To hell with the good samaritan shiets.. I give free lunches to at least a kid on the road each day and thats all the 'my bit' I am gonna do.. I aint no Preity Zinta or Pamela Anderson..

Im just Perfectly Santu!!!

"Bollocks!!"

So I guess my cousin was right when he exclamated to the point of audio dysfunction (on my part of course) that India is inhabitable and his 2 yr old would fall desperately ill in a land of (perverse adjectives used here which you are at liberty to inject).

The Dad was doin his lil thing of shufflin himself between countries and metro's as usual recently and suddenly the 3 month old viral which seemed to be playin a cat n mouse game with him grew into s'thing that made his system collapse.. The dude thinks he is is Superman at a ripe old age of 65 and doesn't think it important enough to inform family.. Lo n behold he lands up at the most hated of all joints - HOSPITAL!!!!! The formaldehyde could give me a heart attack if not all the cheese that I manage to consume (Ze hub thinks I consume cheese enough for a small continent :-( ) So off gets tossed the well laid travel plans and get a zoom in ze arse and I ze one that seems to use air travel as local commute hop on to an aircraft and reach ze boss-man.. The minute I land I am greeted with ze secretary's secretary (I know I still chuckle at the sound of this job title ;-) ) and the man-friday with the driver.. They inform me of the dilapidated state and there I see my Great Wall of China in a state I don't recognize.. Surely, my eyes couldn't have started blurring at such an awkward moment in time.. But I wasn't wearing my spectacles maybe that was it..

I felt the face and the hands with my bare palms.. They didn't even turn pinkish slightly and the face was gaunt.. I hate realities especially hard-hitting ones.. I was informed - dengue combined with excessive fatigue from over-exertion.. I was told low platelet count.. I was briefed in a hush hush manner the temper swings, the lack of conversation and the 5 minutes of monologue was all the speak that was uttered as the day elapsed.. Not good not good.. Strange people, strange things, strange environment.. I wanted mom.. I wanted home.. I wanted to be the weaker one and have things fixed magically like the tooth fairy giving me money for a damned broken tooth..

Goddammit where are all the magical creatures when you need one? I think the world should be a Harry Potterish place where goblins exist side by side with one toothed witches and wizards.. And the genie with his magic carpet can zoom me off anywhere..

Yes I was slightly schizophrenic and now they've entered majorly delusional into my medical chart too.. Yeay what fun!! Dontcha think so?

There is only one difference between a madman and me.

The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad. - Dali

I went for Salvador Dali's exhibition about some 2 1/2 yrs ago in London.. Thats when I was first introduced silently to this genius.. This tunnel built like as if I was about to enter a planetarium - stars glowing from a dark tunnel with dali'isms posted in every nook and cranny.. Cold humor, nihilistic self-pride, I fell in love at first read.. As I entered I let his world take over my sense of thought - his sartorial sardonicism, his callousness almost reminded me of Jack Astor, and suddenly he'd bring in after all the wit and glee a glimpse of his ardent love and passion.. A whirlwind of romance and I could imagine his ladylove's patience running in and drying out but always being enticed by this man whose heart was laid bare in his work of many forms (sculpture, furniture, brushwork etc) and various glimpses..

I was exposed to Svengali earlier but I met him in person only recently.. Oh, how he reels me in and keeps me coming back for more despite knowing he is worse than Rip Van Winkle with a flute.. An educated pompous egoistic woman like me falling for his hypnotic wiles and for no substantial gain in return? My father would accuse me of learning nothing having grown up around businessmen throughout.. My mother would say I was an insult to her race.. My brother would just slap me silly and say - "the apparent text discoursed above is that it furthers someone to use their innate senses to SHOOT THEIR BRAINS OUT!"

I am aghast at my stupidity (shut up only I reserve the right to commend on the status of the functionings of my brain power!!) I pack in 2 round soft bulbous fresh kesari mawedar gulab jamuns into the micro and chug one down instantly.. What comes out is a gasp with the maa, behen gaalis galore (I had silly's ears plugged don't worry junta) and I find blisters in my chest and lungs (I felt like a chain smoker!!!!) I woke up the next morning with a stone in my throat and a lover of food like me has been starving 2 days since.. DAMNED GULAB JAMUNS!!! Went to check with the doctor about the discomfort and the baldy prescribes antacids, anesthetics (that tastes like milk of magnesia yuck!!!), anti histamines and some mucous generating pills.. YEAY MORE MEDS!!!! life doesnt get any more swell :-/ I should've married someone who owned a drug company.. I'd be responsible for half their revenue or at least my Doc would ensure they'd never not make a profit (double negative!! my prof would've kicked my ass in uni for this BUT I have a degree now and who the hell needs her opinion anyway - frustrated lipstick lesbian!!).. And just for the record, the Doc's name also starts with an 'S' if you've been keeping a track..

Lastly my son announces to me (What? You don't remember his name? Are you joking? Its just about mentioned in every post you dafod!! It starts with an 'S' too!! dough?!) kindly that too - "Prince of Egypt" is *rotten*.. Rotten coming from a 2 yr old is horrifying!! And that too about a Disney cartoon!!! I had to beg to watch toons as a child especially non tv, rented ones and this one makes sure I know its not of his taste.. He picks out his Bart Simpson boxers as 'pants' and decides thats what he has to wear to school today else he won't move an inch.. He points out to the 'Bournvita' and says thats the only way he will gulp down the milk and susu is something you can't do in the bathroom and can be done only like a dog in some corner of the house.. He hates his regular jockeys and likes the "big boy" ones with the entrapment to yank out his substance.. And he's 2 folks!! Am I raising a brat or a superstar? Only time shall tell and please note I said *time* shall tell so you may shove your opinions back to your spouses who are sick of it anyway cos I honestly don't have the damned bloody time to procure to your ways of raising my kid right!!!! Im scared of Social Services and I dont need any more monsters lurking in the vicinity or ballpark of my conscience!!

Thank you and Good night youall's..

Here I am - this is me

Uh huh.. the title of this post is borrowed - courtesy Spirit the stallion and Bryan Adams..

They say the best things in life come free and I am beginnin to believe there is an element of truth in that statement.. The day of my reception to my beau my brother gives me a cartloada gifts (if you knew him you'd know he spoils me rotten) and in that treasure trove was this cd marked with humorous inane phrases - "no name brand".. On playing the cd once the entire brouhaha was over, I learnt that he had recorded a single music file.. Here I am - Bryan Adams.. How apt.. How significant and how simple.. How sweet.. Yes all those adjectives come to mind but more so the cliche of finally having arrived and achieved was felt..

The entire time the preparations and events were taking place, I didn't have time to digest that after an odd dozen years my man and me were finally together.. I was revelling in the attention showered (his family of over a 100 staring at every move!!! and my brother holding me tight and close to keep me from shivering with the attention and clouds of smokes being blown up by the DJ) I was enjoying, dancing, beaming, falling in love all over again over Shania Twain and Celine Dion singing their ballads - never once letting my eyes falter from his gaze.. Yes it was a fairy tale wedding.. My father, brother, father in law and husband.. All responsible for making it the most momentous of my life..

I was just thinking about that today when my own lil bairn was watching the animation - Spirit.. The song came alive all over again.. And I was here sitting and trying to complete my things to do list when it came on.. I was distracted but not rudely from which employee deserves to be treated kindly (its the end of the month you dafods!! paytime ;-) ) and which tailor has what of who in the family.. Not to mention what I have to pack yet for my upcoming journey.. yes there's a reason I use the word journey not trip.. Its gonna be a long sojourn - a homage to the homeland and one's pride..

My oft-repeated tales of my love affair is to insinuate happiness exists in many deprecated ways despite the best thoughts.. In all my whiny sessions there exists a hint of nay not rosy paths but roads well traversed and made smooth by periodic stints of walking on and over.. Yes I dream of another life, another time and I compare the grass being green yonder because its innate to compare the quality of fodder available (ghar ka murga dal barabar :P) but in the end marriage does not define me.. My being a woman - a woman always in love with love - defines me..

Sleeping Partners

We have built our home with our bare hands (OK exaggeration here but not that much really) I did the designing and he did the execution and practical aspects to the 'T'.. So you see everything is custom made.. Like our bed- its bigger than king size to accommodate my 6 ft by 4 ft husband.. I have the hardest time finding sheets that fit :-( I have started gettin even bedsheets tailored to size *sigh*

So now with our main man (the baby) sleeping with his head towards me and feet kickin his father's underbelly and our side hero flaying his legs in the most obtuse angle one could have without reaching a 180 degrees you'd wonder whats left for poor ole little me? A half inch here and a half inch there in which I have to do a gymnast act of fitting my curvaceous body.. Only to find a half hour later our main man decides to have a change of heart and scrounges to find my bare belly to reconfirm and assure its me, only to push me out of the tiny pillow space so he could squeeze as much of my smell into himself to be cozy.. Really what a compliment - but I NEED SLEEP.. good ole comfy sleep where I can relax with my body in a slightly more comfy position :-(

Whilst trying to seek slumber I find little man squeezing himself in his father's armhole for body warmth and the father kissing his hair and forehead instinctively like a bear to cajole him back in the hands of deep rooted slumber.. My babies bonding even in their sleep.. Should be a pleasurable sight but I am jealous.. Mummy's new man should be snuggling with mommy.. I do a little tug and snatch and pull and get him back into my arms where he belongs and again I have caught myself doing the space management thing.. Eventually sleep arrives and I find that we've all moved and Big bear has me nestled in his arms.. Can you imagine there was a time when he whined about not being comfortable sleeping with his front to my back.. And now he has voluntarily lifted me unto his shoulders and chest.. I realize what it is Salil looks for when he submerges into him.. But suddenly just as it came it has vanished!! He woke up like the spoil sport he is because God forbid he sleep in.. The newspapers flung at the door and what in the world could be more important than the news.. The TV blares with the news and business channels being switched and Im left with a painful back and a baby that is just like his father.. He is up and wants his milk (like the father wants tea) and he wants cartoons!!!!

Between news and cartoons I am rendered a mess :-( I either know of quotable quotes from Bob the builder or Barkha Dutt.. God save me from the men in my life..

To imagine I got rid of my brown 4 ft chocolate colored teddy bear with a chocolate colored bow because I had a live human to hug.. For this.. THIS!!!

I need to get back to my old sleeping partner!